Cafe Hitch-hike


Where's my mojo?

I really need to get my ass out more. I haven't been doing much that's really-really fun since I've been on the job hunt, and frankly, I'm starting to get boring.

I had some fun on Halloween. I went to hang out with Max and we went to a party. I was Miss October and he was Hugh Hefner. We danced all night and had a lot of fun.

Most of the fun I've had in quite some time has been away from my city and from where I am now. It's as if I have to leave town to enjoy myself. I always have some dumb excuse. There's no one to hang out with, or I don't have any money. I haven't even been talking to the guys I used to talk to (they evaporated when I started going out with Joel, which lasted about 3 mintues).

I don't know how I got so uptight and how I got into this strange habit of not having a lot of fun. I ask myself, "where did my mojo go?"

Well, yeah, work is a big part of my life. If I can't pay my bills, then I don't have the necessities such as roof over my head and important stuff like that. Work has been so unpredictable lately. Looking for full-time work has been a royal bitch. I'm frustrated because I feel like I can't really make any plans or committments 'til I do find work.

I want so bad to go to Texas for a trip this Christmas since the university will be closed. However... this part-time job I may be getting with this public library won't allow me to do that. I want so badly to see my mom, my uncle, and some sunshine in the middle of these gray winters.

I'm trying to take it day-by-day. I'm trying to act like I should just think about what I have in front of me on any given day, but I can't help feeling a bit anxious and uptight internally.

When I get anxious and uptight, people ignore me like the plague. My conversations aren't as engaging, my manner isn't as flowing and easy-going, and I do what I like to call "give vibes like razor blades". I just wish I could get through this very strange time. I wish my life could be more steady so I would actually be ready to do things like let good people into it...

downwind | upstream