Cafe Hitch-hike


Don't know anything II

It is so slow at the university library that I'm amazed. I was going to stay to make up for hours missed with the closing from MLK Day, but it wouldn't be worth my time. I don't have anything to do but this!

Don't know much about friendship. It's not easy for me to let others get close to me. Maybe that's why most of the friends I do have are far away: Toronto, Austin, Tampa, London...

I remember when dating Cates last spring that it occured to me that any type of relationship, friend, romantic, business, is an agreement. Two people agree to be with each other for whatever reason. If there's a weak, hesitant, or reluctant agreement, then the quality of the relationship suffers.

It's just that I'm loving the time I spend with John. I enjoy our walks, talks, and meals spent. We hung out on Thursday, Friday, and then Sunday. He said he didn't want to crowd me and I said I was glad he called. I really, really was! I'm loving the time I spend with John, but realize I need other friends around here than Lala. I can't just depend on John for my friendship happiness!

I chuckle when I think even a person as quiet as him has Jim-bo. And a friend I had to purge for Joel was Allie... He had a fishing buddy, buddies he had since grade school, a workout buddy (a tough guy who followed him around the gym, think that's called 'admiration', and Allie eventually allowed him to hang out with him only at the gym). Guys have their friends. Girls have their friends. Help, why is it an effort for me?

Hockey Dan is a cool guy and I appreciate the kind of person he is... He's a pretty animated guy about alot of the things he loves, and he's gotten me excited about hockey and sports trivia (haha), he just has that kind of infectious quality. I think his heart's in the right place when it comes to how he treats others. But on my part, in my inner workings, it's like I feel like I hang out with him just to get my fucking ass out of the house and to be able to say I'm trying to get to know others...

One person asked me if I usually am better with guys as friends than with females and I quietly said yes. She nodded, "accept that part of you, that works best for you."

So, yeah... the concern comes from that freaky former boyfriend who expected me to drop all male friends (and every interaction for that matter). Man, we had some heated arguments over that! The concern comes from having another fella where I don't know if he'll completely freak about this either... I don't know...

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