Cafe Hitch-hike


I don't know anything

Most of the time, I don't know whether I'm coming or going from my stupid afternoon/ evening job. Sometimes I'll work a Thursday, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'll work 'til 9:00 PM on a Tuesday, and sometimes I don't. I wanted to meet with Lala later this week, but I had no idea when I'd be available for lunch. I know she gets annoyed; or maybe she doesn't, I just feel annoyed having to switch on her all the time, and I don't get to see her as much as I'd like and she's hard enough to reach!

I don't know anything. I know a teensy-teeny bit about friendship with women. If it weren't for Lala, I would have no female friends whatsoever around here. I have more male friends than female friends, yeah, male "buddies", not necessarily guys I've been involved with. Just guys I hang out with.

Joel got super-pissed about my male friends and I dropped a lot of them to appease him; well, he was a fucking loser to begin with... But I just don't want any guy I date to completely freak out over me having guy friends.

It is usually hard for me to make friends. The normal mix is for me to hang around for a long time so people see I'm not all that strange. As they get to know what I'm like and open up to me, eventually we become aquaintances.

Friends. Now friends usually comes about if we have stuff in common, stuff we like and can get excited about. But friendship is so fleeting to me. My friends literally come and go. It's hard to keep in touch with many people when they don't contact me... Well, it's nice when we see each other again (usually by bumping into each other) and then we get the "hey, yah, we gotta hang out!" Well, hey-yah, then why don't we answer each other's calls???

I can't help but remember a calloused remark Louis made in his journal about me telling him how hard it was for me to meet people when I moved to Detroit. He said, "well why doesn't she just go out and make friends?" Gee, I wish it were as easy as that. I guess it was also just a pretty calloused response to a friend's concern. Yeah, man, I just wish it were as easy as that.

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