Cafe Hitch-hike

2004-04-21

Mind your own business!

I haven't been talking with Souljah, a secretary. It's just that the quality of our conversations has an emotionally grating quality: everything always leads to a conversation about the on-again, off-again relationship with her man. Everything leads to that and I feel like I just can't stop it.

I was talking to Martha, a librarian, the other day because she was asking how things were between John and I. I was telling her because I like her, and she always notices something insightful. We don't talk all the time, but we have very equal conversations and I like talking to her.

The folks in the office know about John and I, and the week after Valentine's Day, I announced John's little comment about what he was looking for. Yeah, I was bummed out, but then he started behaving differently. While he said he wasn't crazy about the idea of marriage and having kids again, and he said he didn't want a relationship that interrupted his life, he has been incorporating me into more parts of his life.

I'm not sure what to think of that latter part. I have met his family, his daughter, and the friends he had since forver. I also work with him. He even skips out on work once in a while so we can hang out. For someone who said he didn't want a relationship to complicate his life, he sure is including me into a lot of it. He doesn't look like it's a burden or obligation; he seems to like our time together as much as I do. Actions sure speak louder than words.

So, I was talking to Matt, a techie, this morning and commented to Souljah about it. She has been trying to hook me up with one of the techies since I've been going out with John. Yeah, Matt's a really cool guy and I like his personality and what he's about, but there never was an attraction further than that. She's been trying to plant little things in Matt's head about me and in mine about him. She then asked me about Matt today, and told me I should try to go with someone who wants a commitment and kids and all that. Of course, she then goes off about her man.

When that conversation was over, I felt a black pit in my gut. I could understand her concern because she knows that I want the marriage & kid thing. However, I didn't like her advice. Why had she been trying to drop Matt in my lap since I've been with John? What business is it of hers? John's older than me and Matt's slightly closer to my age, but that's not her affair. I also felt angry that she eavesdropped in the conversation I was having with Martha. She wouldn't had asked or known anything unless she heard what I said to Martha because I stopped telling Souljah about John.

First of all, I said too much. If I don't want people giving me advice, maybe I should keep my mouth shut about things that really matter to me. Second, what I choose to do wasn't her business! Third, it also brought some tough questions I've been having about John to the surface, and these questions are things I don't want her to be a part of...

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