Cafe Hitch-hike

2004-04-22

The whole enchilada

I was approved for my vacation time! Hooray! Oh thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!

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I had a good review on my evaluation. I was really afraid of what Ms. Nightengale, my supervisor, would say. My fears? Unfounded, completely unfounded. She gave a very fair review and nothing was a huge surprise or shock. She didn't rip me apart as I thought. OH!!!

I was afraid the report would say something about my social skills, but it said I am able to balance being professional with being approachable, with a sense of humor.

"She is well-liked by the staff, and they appreciate her input," it said about me. Really? I wonder who said that?

I am amazed because I often feel so clumsy at the pub.lib. Everything the evaluation said was true, and indicated I wasn't the klutz I thought I was.

The last time I heard "two-way evaluation" was in the teacher's college when I was royally ripped apart. There were many other factors that influenced that, but I am no longer in that setting or situation. Oh, thank god...

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My classmate responded to my e-mail requesting information about the ethnic studies museum. She told me the good, told me the bad. Next week, I interview with them and will see how I like it and see how they like me, and see if we fit for each other. Ahhhhhh...

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I had "a talk" with John this morning. I told him about Souljah's butt-in, I told him how I felt about him. He looked concerned. Oh, he looked concerned! Yeah, yeah, he can run away if he'd like, run away if he thinks things are getting too serious or if my feelings are getting uncomfortably deep. I don't know. I briefly expressed the concern about commitment, but added that I was happy with how things were here & now.

John said he felt a little worried about me lately. I know I've been terribly emotional about a lot of things. I told him I'm sensitive and a lot of energy runs through me. I think what happens is for the average person, it whirls around inside and then eventually leaves where I hold it in, it bounces around, and then finally exits in a rant or through fatigue. This surprises me at times and I'm often not aware of it until I get upset or fatigued. Yeah, sometimes I managed to scare myself, and probably others. It's just that I keep that part of me to myself and show very, very few others.

Whatever the case may be with that, at least I know also how to deal with it and handle it. Yeah, it's like having a very fast car like a Porsche, but that it had features that give it great handling. Or, maybe I was emotionally given a Porsche, but I have skills that allow me to handle what it.

It's not like I'm the emotional one of the two. I noticed right off the bat how emotional he was, and how easily he talked about deep topics. He gets so upset whenever he hears bad news or if someone he knows is going through a rough time. I liked that he was expressive with how he felt and that he cared about what goes on around him. Hah, two hypersensitive people cross paths and here we are. It's funny how that can happen.

Yeah, I think I scared poor John. I was acting crazy over the bankruptcy and was frustrated over my job-hunt. I then turned around and cooked for him last night for the first time. I made enchiladas and Mexican rice, and everything was tasty. I could tell by the look on his face and the way he ate that he was loving it. I probably scared him because he wasn't sure what to expect from me.

Well, at least now he is getting to see the whole enchilada known as my emotional spectrum.

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