Cafe Hitch-hike


Say "thank you"

Whatever happens happens.

I am not being pessimistic, I'm just looking at the broader picture. The picture is this: each time I tried to pursue a professional career, I found myself really, really stonewalled. It was like this in teaching, and it has been this way in the world of libraries.

Don't get me wrong. I am extremely diligent in everything I do. I try to look and think ahead to plan for the future, often with some success, sometimes without. And, I've fought some damn good fights and struggles (it's that Latina blood, man), also with and without success.

John was very surprised with the preparation I put into my job interviews. He smirked, "hell, I'd just show up (for the interview) and say 'give me the damn job.' You actually do something that shows you want it. I just can't believe how it's been going for you." Big Boss told me not long ago that I do excellent work for him.

Yeah, in addition to professional-education required jobs, I did manual labor. I stripped and refinished hardwood floors one summer. I am also helping John get one of his houses ready to sell; in both occasions, the peeps I worked with were surprised by my thoroughness.

The point is these efforts should get me somewhere, one of these days. However, I get no signal whatsoever that these efforts are paying off. All I get for work are temp (university library) or part-time with insane hours (public library). I look at these, and say, "is this what it comes out to?"

Regarding the Florida interview, the director lightly mencioned one of his technicians just finished library school and is now in the market. I huff, for in 2 previous interviews, the jobs were pre-hired with technicians or somebody on the inside.

So I think, "is this what I get?"

If this is what I get, then I need to directo my energy into a different direction. Otherwise, to continue this is to fight a losing battle. I felt this notion in my bones today. The last time I felt this way was towards the end of my aborted teaching internship. I was unable to bow out of that gracefully. It was a bitter departure. For this, I will cut my losses short and bow out gracefully while I can.

I loved the library profession because it has so much in common with teaching and the education field. Anyone who is in it has a love of knowledge and a belief that libraries and schools create an informed community and can participate effectivly in civic matters. I used every single thing I learned in teaching in my job as a librarian, and I was so relieved to see that I did not completely divorce my prior experience. The teaching training I worked so hard to learn simply transferred to working with individuals and working in libraries, and I was so happy it didn't go to waste.

So what will I do now? First, I will say "thank you" to everyone at the university library and library program for being wonderful to me. Going to library school healed me from the horrific people and horrific place called The Teacher's College. I was able to really get back on my feet again, and know that I could use my brain and experiences to really make things happen. It also renewed my faith in women, for it was in T-C where I encountered the most evil women I've ever met. I'm not kidding when I say I've known nicer derelicts and crackheads than the people I met in Teacher's College.

So anyway, I got everything I needed and asked for when I moved to the Detroit area. It's nice to know I can arrange things smoothly. It's just that last step, yikes, that last step has been the most difficult. I've put far more effort in my job search than the physical move to this area.

And so I know, it's time to move on.

downwind | upstream