Cafe Hitch-hike



I work 6 days a week and both of my jobs feel like indentured servitude. On my day off, John usually has to work or wants to work on a house he will soon put on the market. Ugh, the last thing I want to do on my day off is work some more. I really want to do something fun. However, if I do something "fun", then it means I get to subtract John from that equation. If I do something fun and John is there, then it's either because I dragged him nearly kicking and screaming or he does his work and then catches me at the tail end of it all.

I wanted to talk to my sister Big Mom yesterday but she was too busy. Instead, I talked to her kids and they pelted me with questions, "why don't you ever come over?" The answer? Because I don't like to. Because it's always me who has to make the 2 1/2-3 hour drive to go over there if we are to see each other. Because I hear nothing but bad news, who's in jail, who's knocked up, who's getting evicted or who quit a job. Because my life is of no interest to them. Because I don't want to return to my home with frayed nerves. On my day off, I could've drove over there to get in touch with everybody, but when I looked at what I usually get, it's that and I lost my motivation.

And, even when I'm there, I'm pelted with more dumb questions: "why aren't you married? why don't you have any kids? why do you work so much? why don't you move back here?" Questions where they seem to think I've been doing something terribly, terribly wrong with my life. I especially can't stand Big Kevin, Big Mom's man. He can really be such a prick and he's so much more pointed with his questions to the point where it feels like an insult or an attack.

I haven't talked to my step-family since Mother's Day. (I have an older half-sister, Princess, through our deceased father; I got to know her mother's family shortly after she died and they invite me to all their functions). Since the relationship between the Princess and I has been nonexistent for the past year and a half, it's awkward for me to see them. They also pelt me with the same stupid questions as my regular family.

I just wish I could go to a family gathering that doesn't feel like the Spanish Inquisition; I wish they could just accept the way I've lived my life. I've never done anything terribly bad with my life!

It's funny. If I ever needed them for anything, the first thing I'd see is their backs rather than any kind of support.

I'm blowing off steam. I'd like to go do something fun, but there isn't anyone around who I can do it with. I have a few phone numbers of people I see in passing, "oh, hey, we so-must get together some time," and when I call there's no answer or reply. I wish I could share something simple like coffee, movies, window shopping, or just plain talking. I wish the people I could do this with actually lived in the Metro Detroit area.

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