Cafe Hitch-hike


For my (half) sister, Part II

...You are pregnant and due in October! Of course! You need my help! You need some assistance with handling your life and your new baby! You're way the hell down in Atlanta all by yourself! Oh, well! It's not my damn fault you don't have family around because your hubby decided to take a job down there.

How much do I want to bet this was your hubby's idea (who took you back)? Why? He knows I can handle kids and that I can tolerate you. I also keep you occupied and out of his hair. Besides, he knows nothing about kids! It was probably also an idea of your aunties and grandma who said, "come on, Princess! Make up with her, talk to her again! She'll be so glad to have you back and to help you. Your sister was always at your side!" You are calling me back because you NEED me, AS ALWAYS!

So you want me to take time out of my life to come to Atlanta for a while so I can help you out?

COME ON! I've helped you out plenty! I've done so much for you, and you haven't done anything for me! Nearly all of the time I needed you, I got nothing but ignored, or your judgement or criticism! And what's worse, I don't ever feel it will change! Oh, no!! I'm supposed to be the one who does all the giving because that's just the way it's been for the past 14 years we've known each other!

WELL GUESS WHAT? This is going to stop! I have stopped giving myself to people who do nothing but take from me! I am sick of people who suck my energy dry! I am tired of being with people who judge me or are hell-bent on making me feel I'm defective.

Excuse me if I sound suspicious or am jumping to conclusions, but what can I say? As I heard this saying, "water is wet, rocks are hard, and that's just the way it is." I've seen very little else from you but selfishness and judgement, so I can only assume that's just the way it is with you!

It pains me because I love children, and I really want to know my nieces and nephews and be a part of their lives. However, I'm not going to let the guilt get to me. We have a nephew from our other half-sister, Kelly, but I've only seen him twice in his life. The kind of relationship (or lack thereof) Kelly and I have doesn't give me a chance to be a part of Nico's life. I'm excited about the birth of your child, but I'm going to accept this with you if it's going to let me sleep better at night and let me be without a the painful emotional residue you leave in me!

All I can say is that the distance between us for the past 15 months has been a wonderful reprieve. I have my energy and my dignity. I feel better about my life because I am not in a position of having to defend or explain my choices to you or anyone! I actually feel proud of where I am and what I've been able to accomplish!

I've resigned you to holidays, just like I've resigned most of my family to that. I take my vacations and spend my free time wherever I feel inclined, and not with them and not for them! I've done that because it's all I can take of them and their issues, and I'm doing that with you for the same reason.

I hope your life goes well. Otherwise, all I know is that I've got to live my own life, just as you've got to live yours.


--Your younger half-sister.

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