Cafe Hitch-hike


One step forward, two steps back

It's been a funny little time. Nothing majorly awful has been happening, but I still feel a bit shaken.

I think John and I are great friends, but not more than that. What happens when you love your boyfriend only as your friend? I've been thinking that one through.

I know that not "anyone" will do as a mate; that is, just because two people cross paths and want to be in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean the right one will be with each other.

I have been talking these things through with Lala. The answer is becoming obvious to me, now I just need to have the nerve to take the steps. There are some other feelings attached to this issue, but I'd rather not explain.

If things did become over, it wouldn't be because we were awful towards each other. It was because we are two different people with different needs. John and I have a rather signficant age difference, and I can't say that is the problem. It could happen if I dated someone my own damn age. I think here it has to do with personalities.

I guess it's a good thing I didn't get that Florida job. They've been drowning in tropical storms and hurricanes. Someone e-mailed me and asked, "still fancy Florida?"

I had another job interview yesterday for a full-time job. I will make only pennies more an hour in pay, but it will be in one building (no fucked-up schedule-juggling between the univ.library and the public library). It is a set schedule (see above parens). The nice thing is the organization seems stable (public library has been unstable since I accepted the damn position). I'll be doing more hand-holding and less library work (it's a place that provides career training for nontraditional students).

Oh, it's a lateral move. If the job is offered, I really will need to take it. I have no idea when the economy will improve, or how long it will take to get a real job.

One step forward, two steps back, just keep walking.

downwind | upstream