Cafe Hitch-hike

2004-09-21

Wish.

I wish I were perky. I wish I were one of those people who others adore. I wish I were one of those people who say, "oh, yeah, she's a real go-getter!"

Do I?

I wish I were cuddly. I wasn't a cuddly kid; my younger sis of 2 1/2 year Big Momma was the cuddly one. You'd hold her and she'd coo, smile, and charm the heck out of anybody! At age 6 months, she was already adored. Even I adored her, that I DO remember. I told her kids this a couple weeks ago: "your mom was a very sweet, cuddly baby."

Cuddly? Me? No. It was more like, "Hitch-hike, you're so smart and clever!" Nobody cuddled me. They talked to me instead, or took me places. Here's a story I was told but don't remember: When I was 2, My Uncle Rico once put me on the handlebars of his bike when he was watching me. He then accidentally crashed his bike in front of my house (and grandpa's, he lived next door). I fell off the bike, hit my head and screamed! I was told my mom ran out of the house at that second, scooped me up, and gave Rico this maternal look of death at a threat to her young. Whoa! I got to fall off (and ride) bikes when I couldn't operate the damn things! Some trip!

I wish I wore ribbons in my hair when I was a kid. I wish I had clean, neat hair that could've easily been pinned up or back in barettes. No, my hair was wavy and thick. I didn't know how to put barettes in that mess (neither did my mom). Big Momma's hair was thinner and finer than mine. Barettes always held in her hair.

I wish I had girly things like pink clothes and socks with frilly laces. I had a Raggedy Ann & Andy, books, a bunch of pencils and crayons, and a kitty.

Girly things? Well, wait a minute. I preferred to play with Marky the neighbor than dollies (that was Big Mom's department). I also liked it when Marky let me ride on the back of his bike (hahah, never fell off, either). I liked Raggedy Ann & Andy because they were best friends instead of man & wife like Barbie and Ken. I liked my kitty because, well, what 5 year-old doesn't like fuzzy, playful kitties?

Popular. Gee, I wish I were popular. At the pub.lib, one of the librarians has a special name... "Olivia" they call her. One of the supervisors talk to her in a cute, squeaky voice and wishes "Olivia" will buy a house down the street from her. Gee, I wish I were so special to an elder that they'd wish to have me close.

Wait... Well, my family back in the hometown urges me to move back, including Grandpa. I am adored. I adore my nieces and nephews and they adore me. I like Uncle Joe and he adores me... Well... I'm not completely devoid of being adored.

Yeah, I guess I'm not completely devoid of the things I wish for. But still, I feel envy at times, and I wish.

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