Cafe Hitch-hike


Deja Vu

Eeew. I've been having the weirdest sense of deja vu lately.

It was 4 years ago exact when I was working for Jiff the Jiggolo (intentional). I was hating working for him. His tirades, his terrible moods, his efforts to make sure I was having a day as shitty as he was having. I was hating life, fantasizing about flipping my car off Merry Road on the way to his office. After work, I found myself over my roommate's computer, sweating, nearly in tears, punching out letters to potential employers.

God, get me out of here, I prayed. Please hire me, hire me, hire me...

Four years later. I live in a different town. I never drove my car off Merry Road. I was in my own kitchen.

I'm changing my cover letters and tweaking the resumes. I'm trying a different approach.

God, get me out of here, I prayed. Please hire me, hire me, hire me...

God, it's just gotta get better than this. God, it's just gotta get better.

It just feels so heavy, like I'm lifting a huge rock off my shoulders, to try to change any direction.

Things are better in my life than 4 years ago. I'm loving my living arrangements. I'm not seriously suicidal. The man in my life isn't disturbed. There are more career opportunities. However, there's still this sense of weariness, this sense that my career is moving to a crawl. A sense, a wondering why my efforts have not been able to yield sweeter fruits.

Oh, dear God...

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