Cafe Hitch-hike

2004-12-09

Used to be

"Yes, my name is Hitch-hike and I subscribe to your (phone/ electric/ fitness center). Could you let me know how soon I need to disconnect my service?... Was it alright? Sure it was. It's just I'm moving out of state."

I've got to navigate disconnecting and cancelling various services, along with the moving, and doing what we called "going in blind" on an apartment. I have to get an estimate of my moving expenses to the college, since they will reimburse me for part of it. Last but not least, I was trying to figure out how I want to handle Christmas. Since my move is around that time, my family might get pissed if I don't see them before I go.

(Christmas is a difficult holiday. Anything that combines a family gathering with a holiday or special event equals disaster. However, the last 2 Christmases have been quite nice, since I didn't spend most it with immediate family. That's why I'm either eloping or having an alcohol-free, afternoon reception when I get married.)

My head was splitting last night, and I was in a foul mood. It's not me getting anxious or worrisome; I just plain had so much to think about and arrange! There was that, and John's been sticking to me like glue lately. I used to have so much time and space to myself, but lately, that's been nil. In the past when I've wanted a night to myself, he thought it was because I hated him and wanted to break up.

Those are the stressful parts of moving. All my previous moves were so much easier. I guess that means my life is getting more complex. That, and I'm just not as pliable as I used to be.

Used to be. I used to go out drinking at least once a week, but I stopped doing that when I started grad school. What sealed that was when I got braces; alcohol and smoke really inflammed the hell out of my mouth and I just didn't want to drink.

I used to go out dancing maybe once a month, but that too stopped with the move. I never met any disco-bunnies around here, and all the men I've met didn't dance!

I used to not have any furniture and I just shared a place with a roommate, but now I have my own stuff and place.

I used to always be broke. I don't understand because I only make slightly more money here than I did before I went to school and I have more expenses. About a month after I finished grad school, paid my bills, and had been working full-time, I got a statement from my bank. Some accounts were no longer in the single digits, and I thought, "no way! There's a mistake somewhere!" I was in denial for a few days before I decided to go buy something.

I used to date most guys for a little while; now I've been in a relationship for a year. I also used to date guys scared shitless of anything resembling a committment, but now I have someone who's devoted to me and everything else in his life.

I used to whine and pine about not being in a relationship, but now for some reason, I'm kinda looking forward to it.

I used to feel like all I'm doing is just getting by, but that feeling has been slipping, I can gladly say.

downwind | upstream