Cafe Hitch-hike


How I get myself through this one

Staying put for the holiday. I don't think I want to anywhere near the vicinity of my family for Christmas. It ia customary for them to do something really foul, and Christmas usually takes the prize. I could had gone to my sister Princ's, but I didn't want to. Sometimes we need a break from each other. Even though I'm sure she and her family love having me, I feel like such a stray and more so this year. I don't feel in the spirit and I don't want to bring down their vibe. It's kind of hard that the last time I saw Uncle Joe was a year ago during the holidays, and he was so intoxicated and babbling. It was the first stop in my visit, and it would be the last time I saw him.

I decorated and while some better memories came, some not-so-pleasant ones entered. It was also a year ago, more or less, that it was finito with Rafa (and while I wished it didn't have to end, I'm so glad it did). The memory of Big Boss from grad school came to me, and I imagined his gentle soul again... his birthday was this time of the year.

I will be on leave during the holiday party, so I will mias that. Ali sent me an invite to her holiday party but I didn't reply. I really don't feel like interacting with her. Maybe I can just have a very low key kind of holiday this year.

I decorated my place and it looks full and festive, but I felt such mixed emotuons. It's not uncommon for me to have a meltdown during the holiday, no matter how hard I try not to, and actually smile and affirm I want a Merry Christmas. Instead, I had to tell myself to think of the things I could do: go to midnight mass. Maybe go camping in The Keys. I could find a place to volunteer. Maybe Cousin Gabe will do something nearby or probably not. It's just that I feel like a bubbliing cauldron of a mess and it's best that I contain iit in my space.

Most likely It will be a Cannabis Condo Christmas, the last one here before I move at the end of January. Well, thanks to my medical permit, it wouldn't be bad to spend my Yuletide with Jack Herer and maybe some Girl Scout Cookies, or sone StarDawg to include a strain in ode to my canine. Yup, this will do it for me along with some Chinese food and nodding out on the sofa during movies. It feels like numbing myself is going to be how I get theough this one.

downwind | upstream