Cafe Hitch-hike

2018-12-14

Don't fail me now

Friday evening at the Cannabis Condo. Ooh-la-lah, and viva la medica! Today's the first day of my vay-cay, and I had to do something nice for myself to start. I keep it private, not around kids, and not to sell or distribute. I appreciate that my spleef is legal (never mind decriminalized) but also is to be treated with respect.

Spleef: to be honest, I significantly lightened up after I started smoking. Call it numbing myself or resorting to escapist behavior, but it really helped me relax when I was very high strung.

No Timmy tonight. I had other plans that didn't work out, but at least I saw my nurse professor for a little bit of work. Timmy's birthday is this weekend and I offered to take him out for his birthday. I would be A-OK with a night to myself since I have enough to do on my time off..

Timmy... Timmy. That MF has a very high intuition, sensitivity, or ability to pick things up. Whatever it may be, I see him do it with a startling consistency and strength. I noticed he had this shortly after we met, but now that I've seen it more, I see it is very real and too close to home for it to be a series of wild guesses. He admits it's had its shortcomings and he sometimes feels clueless with some things, but he seems to notice plenty.

I once asked him to describe how he does this. He said he pays attention to body language (yes, some people are extremely astute with its subtleties). Timmy later added, "I just know how people feel." He shares what he picks up. Once in a while he gives me some observations that hit pretty close to home. How the hell would he know these odd details?

There was at least one instance where he said something that unexpectedly hit something on the head. I was astonished that he picked it up I didn't interrupt him, yet I decided I didn't have to confirm it.

Everyone has a right to privacy and what they do with it is a choice. Also, some things happened so long ago that they have very little, if anything, to do with what's happening in the present. I'm sure there's things he'd rather not share with me!

It's interesting, and yet a little scary. Some people are sensitive to the energies around them and can read them. Timmy is definitely one of them. Well, he has that and yet he chooses to spend time with me, so it says something if his intuition isn't telling him to run the opposite direction.

I am about to commit to a significant decision. It's something I've wanted for quite some time. I once had this going on in my life, but because of circumstances, I had to fold and bow out. I really wanted to try this again, but I didn't feel I was in a good position to pursue it. Thanks to some other things that happened, that status had changed.

The decision I made links to some significant things in my life. Recent events compelled me to think about where I am in my life, where I'd like to be, and how to navigate it. They also made me look a little more objectively at where I am in life. Not too shabby, I'd say, even in while in the occasional miserable state (hardy-har).

It's also made me think about where I'd literally like to invest myself so I can get good returns. Well, I once said that if I ever had a boat, I'd call it, "Many Returns." But seriously, this isn't called being greedy. I just want to focus on what will be the better option or opportunity, playing it straight, standing my ground, but being respectful, and... open to luck. If change and the unexpected is bound to happen, then so can luck! I can only hope!

I talked with my youngest sister Rosepetal. She's been wrecked with grief. I told her that her father lives through her and those he touched, so he really isn't gone. They still have a relationship, but it's going to be different than it was before... I also said relationships often continue even after someone died or it was over. We just won't be in touch the same as what it was before.

I told her this because it is how I've felt about Uncle Joe. I also feel this way about Remy, my former boss/mentor Big Boss, and others I cared about who are no longer in this life (literally). I don't think this is numbing anything or using magical realism with these deaths. I feel that our souls really never die, so if souls don't die, then can't the connection remain, but just different?

So going back to my decision, I also thought about where I am in my life and where I'd prefer to be. I look back for some perspective, but try not to look for too long. Some recent events made my decision possible. Better yet, they made me feel more confident to step ahead. I felt strong enough to make this investment and to take the risk.

It started with me looking for a place to rent I made comparisons, did some calculations, looked around a bit, and... the next steps fell into place like butter. I feel confident in the people I found to work with on this. I have women who are managing the major details of my purchase, and I've been working with my realtor Carlos, who also seems to be pretty sharp. But seriously, things have really been falling into place.

I found a pretty nice place, and I'm going to buy it. It is going to cost slightly less for everything than for rent. Uncle Joe's reach from the grave made it possible, and other factors helped it move along.

I know about the maintenance issues, costs, and having to sacrifice some things for the sake of la casa. I owned a house once upon a time and I really liked it! I called it the Play House because I got to try things out (build a fence, paint it super-sharp, rehabilitate the lawn and vegetation, pull crab grass, stuff like that). I also had to repair a crack in my foundation which the rotten, previous owner did not disclose. What started out as a wet floor turned out to be a crack in the foundation. When I went to repair it, even my beginner's eye picked up the shoddy work done on patching the crack on the outside. I repaired it myself and laid down a quick bonding concrete to patch it, and then coated it.

I eventually placed the house on the market and was able to get rid of it via short sale; this was after the housing bubble burst and the house lost about 30% of its value. On one of its documents, I listed the repairs I did on the foundation for the sake of giving full disclosure to the buyer. The house was on the market for maybe 20 days.

Yes, I know a thing or two about a house, including the usual things that happen to Floridians: getting dumped by your home insurance company at least twice, and having the county taxes spike when the state budget is about to go hari-kari. I experienced those as well.

I cried on my way home from the realtor's office. Last week, things were in good shape. This week, things remained in good shape. Is this really happening? Am I finally giving myself a home? So I decided to get back on this horse, and try again, even though I had to give something up in the past. Don't fail me now, Lady Luck! Heh-heh...

downwind | upstream