Cafe Hitch-hike


Surrendering to music and dance

I decided to take a writing break, just for myself, during my lunch break. My colleague Tierney will be presenting on a topic of interest during the usual lunch hour, so I'll take my lunch and head to that.

Last night was one beautiful surrender-- to music! A New Orleans brass band made an appearance at a nearby club, and it came at the right time. I dolled myself up and headed on down to get down! It was nice to be carried away by the music, carried to a blissful state that almost felt the same as making sweet love. I swayed and jumped around close to the stage this time, and it was so fun riding the waves of emotion and sensation that rolled on the dance floor. I got home before 11 p.m. I slept like a baby and woke up feeling pretty joyful.

I think of the times where I lose myself. I find there's a big difference in how I feel once it's over, and it depends on the spirit of doing that. I felt a combo of things as I listened and danced to the music. I remembered the experiences I had on the Gulf Coast and with its people, everything from having bonfires with the Good Ol' Boys and Gals to learning about the region's history. I felt a sense of true and meaningful connection. The music took me back to those places and times which were mostly positive and quite happy.

It's not that different when it comes to having sex. It's an act of losing one's self, except it tends to be with someone else. I can usually sense when a person is in it with their heart, soul, or body. It tends to be a combination where it might start out really light and soulful, and then things really start warming up and there's that physical sense to it. Sometimes that soulful touch or feeling remains (and has its own cycle throughout), and sometimes it's-- rutting where I don't sense much emotion (hahah). All of those have their own time and place. I've deeply loved someone, and yet there were times where I just wanted the carnal experience of that person, but of course, I still had tender feelings for them. So for me, when the sex is similar to the music I heard yesterday, wellllllll... I tend to have a nice grin and feel relaxed when it's over or when I wake up.

One thing I remembered after breaking up with Rafa was the difference in how the sex felt. Oh, I quickly felt the difference between being with someone who was into the relationship with someone who was just passing through!

Well, sometimes a loving exchange doesn't bring out that feeling. There's been times where painful emotions came out. Maybe it's because at that point, people feel vulnerable and whatever want to come out will do just that. I also think that being able to make good love involves trust and safety, so maybe it's a place for that emotion to be processed. One time, I cried although it was great; I knew when it happened that it was I was releasing the sadness I felt because someone I cared for moved away. At another time, a memory of my mother slapping me came back and it made me feel so sad; the guy noticed it and I just couldn't explain. I later explained the tears, and for the rest-- I usually did not. I think it's one of the by-products.

Going back to dancing, it's been my experience that people who can dance (or at least have great physical coordination) tend to be excellent lovers! Hahahaha, it's been true for me! It makes sense. One has to be in tune with their body to dance together with having a sense of rhythm where they can pick it up and move with it. One also needs to be able to expose him or herself, which is what they do in stepping on the dance floor. If a person is really enjoys sex and is able to pick up on their partner's rhythm and move with it, away they go!

Aah, but that beautiful surrender! The music and the dancing was the perfect gift for the forced/feigned holiday of amore known as Valentine's Day. It wasn't about trying to awkwardly stoke a romance, but simply stoking what dwelled within me.

downwind | upstream