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I had to go back, and then I returned. :
2019-06-13
Co-existing :
2019-06-09
Almost full circle :
2019-06-03
Visit home, part 1 :
2019-05-31
Gulf Bluff :
2019-05-28

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Diaryland

2019-05-28

Its life within my own

I had that dream again. It was one that came to me twice in a short period of time back in 2013. In the first one, I was really out of sorts and some friends were concerned. They dragged me to the ER; my former co-worker/ gal pal Lily was one of them. It turned out that I was pregnant. I was so surprised and couldn't believe it. It couldn't had been true. Of course, I knew who the father would be (the last and only guy I had for an 8-month period at that time), and I though uh-oh, he's going to be pissed! Once the surprise and shock faded, a song played in the room. I sat by myself on the hospital examining table, smiled, and felt a little happy. My friends then came in, and I was readying myself to tell them.

It then came to me during a second time, a short time later, when I was over-sedated during a visit to the dentist. I was still in the chair, but again, I felt myself twisting and turning inside, and I had the dream once again.

It came to me again the day after a Memorial Day weekend barbecue. There were many families at this gathering along with kids. My date told me a bit about his family and that his mother was an identical twin. One of his friends had a baby and he showed me the picture. Kid overload. I dreamed, once again, I was with child. I was surprised again, and stunned. I dreamed of it again last night.

I've been gradually accepting the realities of my age its high pregnancy risk. Well, maybe it's also my biological clock giving one last kick before it gradually shuts down. Is that your final answer? it says like the voice of Regis Philbin when he had that game show. Maybe seeing all the little ones poked something in me. Yeah, being the eldest of 6 kids brought some maternal ability in me. The experiences of my adult life and the whatevers of my head didn't completely smother all of those embers.

I also understand that maybe it's not a literal pregnancy, but a new birth of something in my life. That would make perfect sense considering all of the changes that have gone on this past year. I'll take it to mean that more than anything.