Cafe Hitch-hike

2019-08-24

The second act

It's time for the goddess treatment to begin my birth week. Getting a mani and pedicure will be my start. Maybe next week will be the spa weekend with massage and facial (but without catching the flu like last year). Speaking of, I hope for a quiet birth date which I haven't had in 3 years due to tropical storms of varying intensities and dying relatives. We will see.

There's been growing space between me and the Dutch guy. Communication has been fading. I feel pain my my chest sometimes when I first wake up, and I try to sit with it. I know and sense a lot of things about the visit, how we felt, and then my understandings of the past and present.

It's not much different from when he rebuffed me in 1990 and it's for the same reasons. We picked up the same message back then and saw it in each other, but what we each did and could do with it was different from each other for the most part. We walked through it the first time, did what we did, and now it is the our second act, midlife.

I said to Copperas, 'thank you for being a part of my journey, both then and now.'

I then decided not to try too hard to date until I stop waking up with the pains of what I recognize as a slight heartbreak. I wouldn't really be able to be fully attentive or there. I just have to let it gradually fade as time, distractions and new experiences come about.

The guy who did my nails was one wickedly clever person who called himself Jacko Loco. He totally would had been the type of character I met on my EuroTrip. It made me smile cos I guess the energy is still there!

I got back in touch with my friend Bernadette. We will do dinner next week. I adore her! She could always make me laugh and think. In 2015, I got to spend time with her and her husband Claude in Boulder shortly before cancer took him (I took the last pics of him during our visit, and we were laughing).

I may hold a birthday gathering and housewarming thing. Not sure who the hell would show up. I've pared my friends considerably these past 2 years. I invited her and maybe I can get back in touch with my cousin Gabe the Babe. It would be worth a shot.

I also organized a pot luck lunch at work. There was interest in pics from the trip, especially with the houseboat. I definitely light up when I talk about it. The part about Copperas and I... the story itself intrigues others.

What else? Time to run errands, get ready to paint my crib, and consider what to do with that spare bedroom. That, and breathe into my heart, allow the changes to take place, and deeply imagine what I'd like to do and see for the second act.

downwind | upstream