Cafe Hitch-hike


So it's the holidays

So it's the holidays. I typically feel a mix of things ranging from so-so to 'yikes!' because of the holidays. Objectively speaking, the last few holidays have been mostly all right. The average quality of my holidays have increased over the years and stayed at pretty respectable levels. It was nice to see people, there were no bizarre occurrences, and I usually departed feeling pretty all right and glad to had made my visits.

I've been redefining the winter holidays for quite some time, and damn, maybe a new normal has finally settled in my wee little head.

I do have reasons to feel all right, and I remind myself of those things. I also tell myself to be willing to receive. Receive what? Just be a little more receptive towards life; don't tear off after everything. Let things make itself known to you, or let it come to you for once. It's not an act of giving up, it's giving over and getting a better sense of what's what. Get a sense of the energy or things coming my way.

I got Christmas presents for some close friends. I ordered everything online, and it was such a relief. I didn't have to run to the store, wait in line, possibly not find what I wanted... Yee hah! It makes it easier to spend money! Well, there is a part of me that likes doing nice things for people because-- it makes me feel good in a little kid kind of way.

I could get frustrated with not getting the spare room furnished, and it's easy to do that, but I'll be glad to have and be company. I'll get to see people I don't get to see throughout the year. I've had some amusing and interesting times doing this. The Steampunk Texan and I had an awesome time while I played hostess. I like visiting Texas during the holidays because it's like visiting my favorite cussin' cousin (nevermind kissing, hahahah).

So, it's Christmas in Texas in my sister's old farm community (which is now a bedroom community). They go to church, have dinner at her in-laws, and just relax around the house. Then, either before or after that, I drive down the state road between Austin and Houston. The hills roll through little rural towns with meat markets, antique stores, and old storefronts. It's a little dry and grassy. There's at least 2 places to buy barbecue or meat on the way. One of the places I pass is an old German village (but without the Painted Churches that were built in other settlements). A lot of those towns are either heading for a boom or bust; it is sad to see their vitality flicker.

I found out that Michael Caine's Secondhand Lions was filmed in that area and a town called Lockhart. The highway footage at the beginning was in Bastrop. It is always nice to see that area, even in a movie.

Yeah, that's my little American getaway. That's why I like heading down the Gulf Coast. It's really titillating to go through different landscapes and just see what's what about an area. It's something I should allow myself to savor this year. I also didn't do this last year, so maybe it's time for me to go back... but go gently.

Ok, so here's my attempt to live. I guess a lot of the warmth in me was chilled by a recent event. It feels like a winter at times, and then sometimes I'm able to feel patches of warmth.

If it's like this for me, then my sis Bre must feel like she's in Siberia. A distant relative named Nita lost her adult daughter to an accident and told us a bit about what it was like; she said it felt something like this. Although she directed this to my sis Bre, I took heed because it made sense to me.

It's not all cold, and something inside is pushing a little and wants to warm it up a when it can. It's like when the sun peeked from behind the winter clouds every so often.

I think I can have some activity, but it means I'll take my time with things: furnishing that damn spare room, doing the holidays, and just letting everything be.

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