Cafe Hitch-hike

2020-01-23

Yippee ki-yi-yay, Motherfucker.

I'll only say this once (or at least I'll try):

Good luck with doing all the crap and doing it all on a thread (nevermind a shoe string)... learning everything on your own... doing it with the backdrop of haters... and having your contributions just get regularly smeared disrespected.

It's no fucking wonder I felt the way I did about certain **things.** Why didn't I just stop or do something else instead? Because I figured I'd see the same shit but in a different scenario. Because I see others encounter it, too.

Now I know why people get bitter and disillusioned with middle age. The hope, joy, and optimism was kicked out of them over and over again.

I suppose I'm partly to blame for staying in the situation for as long as I did. I guess I tried my best to articulate my needs to deaf recipients. I guess the game's the same for everyone else, I just am too fucking stubborn to let myself stay on the mat for too long and can outlive others like a cockroach. I guess instead of being one of those people who drift from place to place and never stay in one for long, Yours Truly decided the energy to stay in a situation was less than what it took to move where the situation was just as likely to be jacked, if not worse.

Go me. As I lay the reins down for something in my life, I soon shall pick up the next set. Yippee ki-yi-yay, Motherfucker, as Die Hard's John McClain once said (I'm thinking the spirit of it rather than any use of firearms... had to add that disclaimer since I'm American).

And in other news, my old boss Davie congratulated me on a work anniversary. Oooh, Davie!! I **love** Davie, furreal!! We had a friendly and warm relationship, and hearing from him reminded me of when it was easier to feel that way towards others (hahaha). One interaction that stands out was I said if an actor could play him, it would be Ed Harris. A few days later, I saw him at a meeting and he wore a new linen suit and had a new haircut. When I entered the room, he almost gave me a look that say, 'hey, look at me!' but in almost like a nice teen-boy kind of way. Yeah, once upon a time, I could flirt without seeming to be cougar-like (hahahaha).

I also heard from others who bid me the same wishes. Aaaah, it sure feels good to remember people who remembered me, and from times when I didn't seem so jaded in some things as I do now.

Yeah, man... kind of like interactions of the past few months jump started my barely beating heart, I can go for something like that in other parts of my life.

downwind | upstream