Cafe Hitch-hike

2020-02-23

A task of negotiating

I was reviewing notes from last year. After Uncle died, I bought a house, ended a dead-end relationship, undergone intensive therapy, and traveled an awful lot. I made some good lists during that time, and I decided to review them again for upcoming matters.

I may (or may not) have some professional decisions to make in the days to come. To help with those, I took another look. I made a list of what was important to me, along with my challenges and strengths. Yeah, I was honest to the point were I said my emotions and perhaps resting bitch face are part of those. Gotta take the good with the bad, right? And besides, maybe my emotions and hard stare can work in my benefit.

I wanted to make any decisions from a space of what's important to me. Through my trips, I recalled the very joyous moments of being around nonjudgmental friends, making new ones, and just enjoying the quiet company of others. I remembered leaving Europe wondering, Gawd, I'd sure love to see more times like this! I'd sure love to be around people like this, too! I'd sure love to experience more of the good things in my workplace than this building that's part-Walking Dead, part-morgue, and part-Inquisition dungeon.

One of my decisions... I might need to see what I can do to turn something around. I can sell bullshit to cattle ranchers and ice to Inuits when conditions are good. I've surprised myself and others plenty of times with that ability. I need to do it from a stance of what I want (and need), what's most important (and genuinely so), and figuring out what the other side needs. I'm not trying to be a con or manipulative. It's a task of negotiating, and finding terms that actually work (and are realistic) for both sides.

Hah, so besides having a beehive of activity in my head, sometimes I can surprise myself with coherent thoughts, actionable plans, and ideas that can actualize. Go me! I also read about communication and organizing tomes from business professionals. I ride on what I learned (and try to apply it) along with other things. This has been very, very important in my professional life, and has helped me get better at a lot of things. It's hard to see where I'd be now if I didn't read about leadership, organizational behavior, and communication, and apply it. One old friend of mine emphasized knowledge is power! and they were right!

Some changes may need to be made based on the professional decisions. Hoorah. I'd prefer to think about those later than sooner so my head is clear and I don't trip out by the possibilities. If I gotta make changes, then I gotta make them. However, the end game is this: I simply want to be in a setting that more positive than where I am now, a healthier and more supportive atmosphere, the pay and compensation is good, I can do stuff I enjoy and can grow with it, and something that's more steady than turbulent.


I invited my bros Deebo and cousin Drew to come visit this month. They like The Beatles and a local fishing village is having a big shindig featuring acts inspired by the lads from Liverpool. I told them about it, and even if we don't go to the show, I'd love for them to come. I imagined the hum of company in the house, and it felt nice, kind of like when College John, Mom, the Texas Steampunk King, and cousins dropped in for visits. I guess I better get that futon for the spare room sooner rather than later so one guy can get the sofa bed and the other can get the futon.

Maybe Deebo and Rafael can spend some time together; they seemed to like each other, and D. is always eager to meet his in-laws (especially since he's the only son in our family).


I had a very restful weekend... It feels like things strip me of my energy easier than I gain it nowadays, so hopefully this gets me ready for decisions, and other things to set in motion. A bowl of beer chili, the company of Puppy Dog, and an episode or 2 of Call the Midwife await.

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