Cafe Hitch-hike

2020-04-28

Return to normal

The dog decided she needed to hang out on my desk while I work. I can't hold her in my arms and type at the same time, so she has to do that if she wants to be near me.

Well, oh well. It looks like we will be gradually opening and then probably get a second wave of the virus. The parks will open here tomorrow while the beaches will be closed, and then I'm sure businesses will start reopening. It's going to be a healthcare survival of the fittest, I'm sure. We can go out, but if we get sick, that's our deal. Whoever we infect, that's their deal. It's so hard to tell what's real and what's not, but if businesses re-open and then are forced to close quickly, I read that employers may not be obligated to provide unemployment benefits (whatever the hell those may be), which means that people can also be economically fucked if things have to close down again. That's right: let's go back to the country we've been for a good part of its history where survival of the fittest in a heavily rigged game plays out its fate.

As for me: masks, social distancing, and staying home as very much as possible. I don't think I will be traveling much at all until the spread has been contained.

Well, if I can peer into my crystal ball, I'd say that we will feel a series of aftershocks. Not huge ones, but enough to disrupt and enough to escalate people's discontent in various ways. Some of it will be frustrated and expressed with our usual recklessness, while some of it will be channeled into demanding reasonable changes. Both responses will be frustrated by those who don't want them, which leads to more strife. The changes and the reactions to the changes will push things further along, and how things will play out will be unknown.

One thing I can feel assured over: many people at once will want changes, and that desire will not stay still for long (even if things "return to normal" and reopen). The thought that comes to my mind is that 2 world wars invigorated the global women's rights movement. Women were tapped to keep things going while a critical mass of men were involved in the wars, but then told to return to their place once the men came back. Well, we know what ended up happening with all of that. I can't predict who or what will be told to return to their place. Maybe it will be many things, and whatever it or they may be will not be willing to return to normal.

Ok, biting sarcasm is now aside.

Has this stay-home crap made me look inside myself much? Well, not necessarily. I feel these past 2 years had already involved a lot of introspection that was searing at times. I don't really regret that things were cut off between Rafael and I because that was what made it possible, including the soul scouring that took place (according to him, he did something similar while we were apart). It feels like all of that finally leveled off when I took the new position, and then we were sent home.

I secretly wanted to take time off. I wish we had the personal leave the people in other countries get to travel, pursue some classes, and just chill the hell out. I wanted to go away for a month to just clear my head. Well, the stay-home orders provided a wee bit of that, but at least enough for the brakes in my life to engage and slow things down.

I read my pages from last summer and my first thought was what the hell? followed by a hearty laugh (I'm having what's called a Uranus transit right on top of my natal Mars, in astrology talk). That means I would be having one hot mess of travel and activity which would also change my approach to how I use my overall mojo. It was definitely time to rest after this trail of intense energy.

Rest. Yes. Lovely, refreshing rest was most needed.

I don't have any major plans at this point but to stay the course I've been on if it's possible. I'm just taking things day by day, and keeping tabs on the literal and metaphorical weather. I get antsy with having to stay home and I sometimes get distracted and don't want to telecommute (which I know is completely normal). I can't even say I'm waiting for anything to change, I just savor these days of pause.

In the work department, I finished training the person who is taking over my position. We've been meeting online for the past 3 weeks to go over the most important tasks. I even flipped the training to where I told my successor what to explore on their own before we met so they could ask me questions (and to my surprise, they followed my advice). I've been beyond gracious about doing this on many levels. I'm glad we did this online; I found that the indirect contact diminished my irritation and other tough feelings about my former position and all that I had to go through with that.

After we met, I took a deep breathe and asked myself if it was really over. Did I really finally transfer all of that? Did I really do my best to make the shift? It was a surprise. Surely it was going to end someday, but-- IT DID!! It finally did!!

The crew is meeting tomorrow to discuss a project I spearheaded. I will be present to advise and give background where needed, but I already decided it would be the last meeting I would attend. I am done with that, and although I started it, it is no longer mine. Someone who was eager for my former position has it, and now they get to make it work and perhaps create something out of their own imagination. The thing I smirk about is they also took a lot of my tasks when I left our employer 7 years ago; they didn't add anything significant to what I had done and just stayed with what was already set up. I would hope they could proceed differently, but it's not my business; I've got other things to do. But before I proceed in my direction, I'll still smirk in theirs, put your money where your mouth is!

downwind | upstream