Cafe Hitch-hike


Do it while I can.

Headache galore. It's blazing hot, and I have to get ready for the funeral of College John's mother.

Marley the cute miniature dachshund has been ill these past 2 days, and she was lame with her walking this morning. She had been walking very slowly. She didn't jump up and down with her usual enthusiasm when Rafael came over. Instead, she pawed his lower leg so he would notice her. I gave her some pain pills and muscle relaxers, so at least she will be resting while I'm at the funeral. I'll take her to the vet tomorrow so at least they can check her vitals. She's had a heart condition for the past 3 years, so I wonder if maybe it's that (although her heart rate seemed normal when I felt it).

I put on some dress capris for the funeral. I'm surprised how much that ass of mine filled them out. I lost 8 lbs. these past 2 weeks on a fad diet, and I'm pleased, with 8 more to go. I'm cursing perimenopause, my hormones, the pandemic stress, and just plain aging. Now I know how guys feel when they start losing their hair and what they consider other attributes of their manliness. I laugh that I now embrace things that make this job of being a woman easier (diet, moisturizer, retin-A, and telling people and things to fuck off with an ease I've never experienced in my life). I've had beaus embrace things that give them a sense of being what they were in years past (like not blink or flinch once they got used to taking blue or yellow pills for... stuff), and I never thought less of them for it. If anything, I felt bad for the guys who complained about it. So, maybe I need to take on that same mindset of just doing whatever it takes.

Hey man, I hope you don't mind that I'm just going to eat this 1-inch piece of salmon on a salad and have a skinny mojito while you eat a 1-lb NY strip steak with a huge potato smothered with butter. Not an unusual scenario with Rafael, hah. There was no such thing as moderate eating in his upbringing or life.

I have been feeling better lately, and I wonder why. Am I hiding things from myself again? Is it because I haven't had to go to the building these past 4 months? I've been complaining about my metabolism woes, but I have fewer lines on my face and my expression looks softer. I've felt more kindness and warmth in my heart than I've had in a long time. Yes, I do feel better despite the topsy turvy nature of the world nowaways. Yes, I'll embrace this now and do it while I can.

downwind | upstream