Cafe Hitch-hike


Embrace this adventure again

I can wish myself a happy ayahuasca anniversary! I laughed to myself when I realized which day was today. I stayed in an updated farmhouse just outside the edge of a small Dutch town. It was such a beautiful day! Then, we took our first dose around 6:00 PM and stewed in our sweat (they were having a heatwave).

It was a fairly gentle trip yet it also went down some tough roads. I cried a lot and remembered a lot of sad things and events. Then, sometimes I saw a beautiful world and felt so much love! I felt a little aroused, even, and I tried not to let that go to close to the surface. Just let that feeling swim under my skin.

I kind of think the circumstances and intent of my trip really formed how the aya spoke to me. Maybe that was the way it could best speak to me. The aya tends to stay in the system for the next 2 days, and I visited Copperas on the 2nd day. I wonder how much that touched the time I spent with him. Neither of us would say it was a bad visit, hahaa!

I'd say I do feel better, but it didn't come without, uh, feeling like I had to scour my soul. Yeah, it felt like the aftermath of a small hurricane: so much crap to clean up, get rid of, repair, replace, or rearrange. It takes a while to regain a routine after it was disrupted. At least some things I was unable to release finally were the first time, and it helped me see the love and warmth in my life. Healing with psychedelics is a little like chemo.

So (**raises glass**), here is to riding the bull of psychedelics and being willing to be open and take chances in getting to know oneself better!! Yes, that whole experience, starting from taking the drink to making sense of what happened during the trip, was combination of riding a horse and a bull! Sometimes the vistas were beautiful and touching, sometimes the ride was rough and intense, and about to throw my ass off (which it did when I tried this again almost 2 months later, and I felt a little manged afterward).

I guess I also felt a little shame when I feel that it was a bit reckless and took all those changes. A lot could had gone wrong, but at least it didn't. I also wondered if all the risk and the discomfort was worth it. Hell, all my old hippie friends are very lucky to be alive and did shit I never would had considered, so people do act recklessly. Was I being foolish, or was giving something a good shot? I was curious about the experience, but wanted to use it to therapeutically help me, and I made sure the place and people were legit (the best I could anyhow, hah).

Anyhow, I'm glad I had the experience and all that went with it. There's little things I'll remember about that farmhouse and the lovely people who were there. I'd be open to going back and doing the same thing, and maybe bring a good friend or someone I love who's hip to it. I'd just have to keep in mind that it's going to be under different circumstances and won't necessarily be the same.

But, did it heal me? Surprisingly, it did. It wasn't smooth medicine and it takes a long time to work through, but things started to change. I can use this anniversary to embrace this adventure again.

downwind | upstream