Cafe Hitch-hike

2020-08-18

#MiddleAgedWoman #Life #Pandemic

My motivation is at subzero. I was doing a work project and lost it. I laid down on the futon (with Puppy Dog curled up at the crook of my knee) and slept for 3 hours through rumbles of thunder (but it never rained).

Puppy Dog is going to a doggy neurologist tomorrow to get a scan of her hips and lower back. She wobbles when she walks and sometimes is pain. Ugh, it's probably intervertebral disc disease, something very common for her breed. I read up on it, and it's probably in phase 1 or 2. She's too old for surgery in my opinion and I hesitate to put her under for the scan because they have to knock her out; she had a bad reaction to anesthesia when she was younger, and now she's a senior. Hopefully, it's feasible to get her a doggy wheel chair to support her walking. They strap on to her mid-back and has 2 wheels near her hind legs. She can still use her legs if she wants, but would mostly propel herself with her front limbs. I'll see what we can do for Miss Marley, my beloved spirit puppy of 10 years...

It's been 6 weeks since I started a diet and lost 10 lbs. I noticed I can't eat as much because my body can't tolerate it; it's a bit of a calorie restriction diet and I've been eating less. I felt like my body and metabolism can use a little reset. I feel all right most of the time, but maybe once or twice a week, I feel exhausted (and I'm sure it's from eating less).

But, do allow myself 1 good meal a day and sometimes have a light second one. I savor the Colombian food around here, it's delicious, cheap, and you get huge portions! They have a dish called bandeja paisa ('country flag') with mildly seasoned steak, blood sausage, and pork belly served with rice and an overeasy egg on a white arepa, with mozzarella cheese and bits of guacamole on top of it. I also love the Central American food that I'd get with Rafael in Miami... I didn't grow up with that food, but I definitely took to it like a fish does to water.

A local friend got in touch with me. I'd rather not say names but our friendship's had its ups and downs over the past 5 years. She was laid off from her job and wanted to talk about it. It turned into a conversation of an hour and a half where we talked about all kinds of stuff, and had some hearty laughs about what's happened in our lives.

The biggest laughs came from talking about our love lives. I took that as a huge victory (especially considering the time we are in). We laughed our asses off about Timmy (he was f*king sexy, but that brain of his was scattered like buckshot) and even Felipe (a leopard can't change its spots, but it didn't mean I couldn't enjoy remembering the energy from a safe distance). I heard from the both of them during the pandemic; Timmy and I had a brief update last March, then I quickly ran in the opposite direction before he could adhere himself to me. Felipe was a no va and I didn't respond. He can keep his his poison, both what he studied for a living and what he carried inside him.

The thing I liked about Middle Aged Female Friend was she was nonjudgmental and not at all uptight about my choices and lifestyle. Lots of people still find it strange I've never been married (I think I'll make up a divorce from now on) and since I don't publicly blab about my dating or love life, people seem to think I don't want a partner. No, this friend gets it perfectly. She was a trust fund baby whose boho ways and rambling outdid mine, hands down, and I was quite impressed. We could always talk about the outdoors, travel, the ups and downs of singlehood, and now, middle age. She's 11 years older than me and hit middle age before me. She had given me a glimpse at the many changes that take place in the late 40s and 50s.

It reminds me of the times when I'd be able to have sisterly talks with women older than me. I had a really moving one with a colleague which was genuine and yet so healing at that time, and it was something I didn't expect at all, considering we had a contentious relationship in the past.

At the end of the conversation, it made me remember how much friends can uplift each other (yeah, and God knows my interactions with her at times did the opposite). A good friend shows you who you really are, and what they show you helps you be more of that in an uplifting way.

Jens Copperas was able to do a show this past week and will do another this weekend (of course, in Nijmegin). I totally admit that I fantasize about him-- sitting with me on my patio, fixing a meal in my kitchen, sitting with me on my sofa (we have similar ones, hah). I'd love for him to take the chance (whenever the pandemic is in check), make the leap over the ocean, and visit for a while. The last time he was in The States was when he finished his exchange program in 1991. I'd be happy even if he slept on the sofa or on the futon. I'd just love to spend some time with him again.

Been sending him ESP to do it, hahahah. Maybe this is the leap his timid heart needs for it to live in it more fully. Maybe I'm just delusional.

Copperas looked a little tired in his promo photo, but his eyes and his smile shined through. He once told me he always felt the most happy when he was singing and playing his guitar. His singing voice was just as melodic as his speaking voice (he's one of those guys who has a voice that can melt, hahaahh).

One little detail I forgot to mention from when we interacted last year. I texted my mom and succinctly told her how the visit was, even though I knew it was around 4:00 AM where she was. She texted me back immediately and said she was already up to use the toilet. Mom took the information with a sense of cheerful, motherly inquisitiveness and thought Copperas was afraid of falling in love. Copperas said he also talked to his mom shortly after I left. We never told each other what we said to our mothers or what they said, but maybe that's something for us to tell each other 28 years down the road once again.

Been paying a little attention to the politics and news. My opinion of it all is that a ship that's structurally tattered can't have its leaks sealed forever. The former FLOTUS's speech knocked it out of the park yesterday, but I hope its core message is more than preaching to the choir. I just keep thinking, this is only the beginning, yet recall that life still went on and people did what they always did, regardless of various levels of calamity. Despite famine, war, invasions, and all, people still worked, love, fought, talked, laughed, fucked, romanced, dreamed, created stuff, and kept it real, even when they had to brace.

And so, those are my plans.

downwind | upstream