Cafe Hitch-hike

2020-11-09

Like so may things nowadays, these storms can be unpredictable.

I actually got news of the projected outcomes here first. I think it was Ms. A. in England and someone else who wrote about it. Of course, I was so glad to hear about the projections, and I felt immense relief that we Yanks may finally have adults in the room. People who can handle the nuclear football properly, be reasonable models of leadership, stuff like that.

I had to laugh because I posted a song called "Way Out" on my social media right before the projected winner was announced. It's a pithy rap from the late 1980s where the lady DJs diss someone's rap and assert their dominance. I sure hope I was picking up on something definitive from the collective air (hahaah, especially since we just elected a Black/Indian American female as vice president). I certainly hope Trump is on his way out of the office (but sadly, his mindset and what he stirred to the surface won't go away; I almost want to compare that to what happens with hydras).

Also before I found about the projected winner, I watched a couple of episodes of David Letterman's Netflix series. When I heard Obama speak, I thought I was in a weird dream. It was like seeing something the way it used to be, and wishing it was almost like that again. On the following day and when I saw the results, I saw Biden appear on TV, and again, I felt the relief. Instead of seeing some angry, menacing, orange person who I prayed would shut up, I saw someone who radiated a much different vibe, one who sensed the seriousness of the present-day while possessing empathy. A plan for the pandemic? Asking us to speak to each other with civility? This is coming from a national-level leader? What planet did I just land on?

As for me, I'll continue my starvation diet of media (or, just consume more sensibly). I'm highly sure the various lawsuits against the results will bear some fruit, even if the damn news media and world leaders are publicly congratulating the president-elect. I'm just waiting for the hat trick or the shoe to drop (and that's all I'll say about that).

This has been a most unusual week. I had a mini-election eve event, and then we had a tropical storm warning. I entertained again and got us indoors before the rains came. People were able to use breaks in the rain to run to their cars as we all faded. The second night was Part 2. I sat on the patio and felt the winds pick up. The poor dog was kind of freaking out, and then I noticed a neighbor pulling their storm shutters closed; I decided to do the same. One of my bedroom windows had been replaced before I moved in, and I don't need another wind to blow it out again. It looks like the rest of the storm will blow west and north of us (Hurricane / Tropical Storm Eta, we've had so many we're now in the Greek alphabet), but like so may things nowadays, these storms can be unpredictable.

I'm still digesting the family trip that ended 10 days ago. I've been in some touch with my siblings, but not much with our mother.

I think my perception of a lot of things changed rather quickly. I hope they are more realistic expectations of the relationship between me and them.

I didn't realize they tell me more than they've told our mother about a lot of things. Either that, or Mom hasn't paid much attention to them or didn't remember if they did tell her.

I think I'm starting to see through my guilt for-- leaving them. I ran away as much as I sought happiness and opportunity. It's unlikely I'd be where I am if I stayed in my hometown. The first time I truly (and unexpectedly) felt happy as an adult was after I settled in Florida. I was 31 years old, but it was better later than never.

I also think the biggest takeaway was regardless of how things were, Mom was the CEO of the family. Even when I was told to be a good example while I grew up, Mom's examples became law and my actions weren't more than possibilities. There was no way a stressed, bummed out teen or young adult could had turned all of that mess around.

I told my mom of some facts about the relationship between me and Uncle Joe, and she apparently didn't know these things. She didn't know that Uncle Joe wasn't a magical fairy godfather and was more like a coach and uncle who wanted me to grasp life's realities; the magic and fairy parts were simply the bond between us. I felt the need to tell her when she felt I was being stingy.

But I'm still digesting. With that, the holidays are around the corner. I hope to have one where I feel free and happy, not longing or shame. That's really my one and only wish for the holidays.

downwind | upstream