Cafe Hitch-hike

2020-12-28

This version of togetherness

The house was cleaned within the hour and a half that the guys left my place, and I felt such a stillness and fullness I hadn't felt in a long time. I almost felt like a different person and wasn't at all wound up. I allowed myself to relax a bit, and was able to muster up a swim for 25 minutes (on top of the 2 hour sunrise walk), and slept like a baby. The time of repose reminded me of the holidays when the parties, dinners, gifting/ baking, and other social activities concluded. There was slight tiredness, but gladness and a contentment. I think this holiday can also be a time to reconnect and then retreat into our caves, recharge, and-- have some energy to start the new year.

A lot of people are looking at the new year with a sense of dread. Let's see, we've got political dysfunction, social unrest, another strain and likely spike in infections, and...? I can't even think much about the broader things. But, my brother, cousins, and I were able to create a family gathering where many of those things were put on mute, and we were together. This version of togetherness was so different than the ones I felt at previous holidays, and I felt it to be rather comforting.

I contacted Rafael so all of us could meet in Miami because he and my brother got along well. We cancelled the part with my brother, but I wrote back Rafa to see if he wanted to meet. I wasn't sure how he would react, but he accepted and we had a small meal and a walk. Oh, I felt that warmth come back! Rafa and I always could talk, and that was no different than any other time. We warmed ourselves with our updates, company, and soups served at a Venezuelan wine cafe and deli. It was a beautiful wrap-up to the Christmas part of the holiday. Yes, I still love him and I'm sure I always will.

I also heard from people this holiday, despite the pandemic, because I sent cards and cookies. I connected with some online, too. Since I wasn't dashing all over Texas this time, I was able to do all of this instead. This was my first intentional holiday, also, without spending time with my sis Princ. Instead, I made my own, and I felt fine. I didn't even have an emotional breakdown, tears, or intense sadness. I thought very little of past holidays.

You better freaking believe I'm patting myself on the back for managing every bit of this!

Everyone is saying 2020 can let itself out the door and better yet, fall down the stairs on its way out. It's not 2020's fault or the intense astrological energies at play. When I was on my aya retreat, I got a message that it was simply the time and place for all this to happen, and it was going to sooner or later. It made me think of all the things that go neglected or ignored despite warnings, and yet looking the other way continues. I often wondered what would happen, and now we found out. We've neglected the environment, the system, our people, and ourselves for too long. We paid attention and put excessive priorities on the wrong things, and it hit a critical mass to where we're in the mess we're in now with no simple answers. I suppose we can continue to pass the buck, but it definitely won't be as easy. I'm highly sure the crap-compromises and finger pointing will continue and make things interesting for a long time.

I still am glad I fared all right with all things considering. I told Rafa that working remotely since March turned into a rehab from my job. Although I will return to the building for 2 days of the week, I still don't know how I'm going to feel about that. I felt like I was able to let a lot of things about the building fade, yet I also acknowledged things there remain in shoddy shape. I had a couple of conversations with colleagues and they confirmed a few things a very angry former co-worker (who left) said to me late last spring.

I decided to spare writing about my building and other details of what I've heard working remotely. It's my vacation and I shouldn't be thinking of that, right? I typically used this time of the year to wrap it up and think about what I hoped to see for the new year. It was a time I picked up after myself, scrubbed the deck, and pondered or schemed what I hoped for in the next year. All of what I'm talking about would be part of this.

Cute alert: Puppy dog rolled on her back (signaling that her belly needs to be rubbed) and her floppy ears lay flat and open on the sofa. She then rolled on her side and rubbed her nose and face with both of her front paws before turning with her big, brown eyes on me. She had a nice time with the company, although she got a little overstimulated at times.

I suppose I'll settle down for the night and list the chores I need to do tomorrow (which includes buying some new appliances for my kitchen, Merry Christmas to my unit, hahaha). I'll probably go jump in the pool, and also see how I can maintain the holiday spirit I managed into the new year.

downwind | upstream