Cafe Hitch-hike

2021-05-16

Not too terrible of a post-break up weekend

No music for this entry, or at least not yet. I rose early again and went to a local donut shop that served me latte with bad milk. I dumped it, and went with warm Peco with some almond milk. It's ok. Maybe I didn't need all the caffeine.

So far, this has been the best post-breakup ever. I helped Timmy install his new TV, and in gratitude, he gave me some decent herb. On the way home, I stopped at a store where I was possessed to get a generous serving of steamed crab legs, quick rice, a nice salad, and some stuff for shrimp kabobs later. (I know why, Huck was allergic to shellfish). T. went to his favorite Latino steakhouse and met his buddy who was leaving town for a month, then stopped by. He took me there a month or 2 ago and I dressed a bit blingy in the Miami style I occasionally adopt; it's more like a low-grade female competition where we check each other out, kind of envy each other and then compliment and solicit each other for tips. I had to laugh when he came by and he mimicked the look. I actually liked it, but it was different to see on him.

I think he's trying to woo me and is attempting to not be flaky, and I really don't know how to take it. It's hard to see someone differently after they've been a certain way forever. We can chat, hang, and know each other quite well, but there's always been a coolness. There never was a lot of warmth or easily expressed affection between us after a certain point, and I savor both (yeah, despite my own apparent chills that I know I express from time to time).

Then, I met up with Chris from Detroit who's in town and a small group of his friends. They were game for heading to the nude beach, and wow, just wow! It was a magical time. None of them had ever been there and they loved it. Chris (who was raised near the South Pacific) taught me how to body surf and he said he was in heaven. We had drinks, a little herb, and mingled with the people around us. There was literally something for everyone. It was really cool to share one of my happy places with him and his pals. I did tell him about Huck, since C. and I can also talk about everything, and he offered a little compassion and manly advice ('ya lived and ya learned something, yes?' followed by a long hug).

I was invited to a party afterward, but I figured the beach was plenty for the day, so then I was invited to another one today. Chris loves to party, has exceptionally high energy, and is a consummate extravert, so I respected my energy and said I'd catch up with him and his crew today. He joked that if I changed my mind, please call so he can convince me to come anyway.

It was one of those events that remind me of something I said Uncle Joe would had said, 'don't worry about what to bring, just bring yourself!' It was one of those kind of days and was so enjoyable.

Oh, and Huck and I had a brief exchange of texts. He said he would be perfectly open to being friends with bennies but said absolutely nothing about anything else I said or felt. It wasn't hard to see what was most important to him. He also claimed he cut his visit short (I didn't see him while he was here this week), but I noticed he did this also in the first month: he'd claim to be around for a certain number of days but then cut it short. Par for the course, I shrugged as I thought.

Sometimes post-break up interactions can be so illuminating. I almost wonder what else I might see in another exchange and what else might come out. If the guy gave more than a rip about the relationship (or really wants to get laid), there's usually 2 conversations. Sometimes I piss off a man in these conversations, usually not on purpose, and some truths really come out! I've been told some very hurtful or angry things, but I've grown perfectly fine with all of that because then things become as clear as day.

I then pulled the trigger with a little trip. I reserved a campsite at a cottage on a lake in Michigan, where I once went to summer camp and also where my stepfather had an RV. My mom and sister conned me into going there, hahaha, and I decided to make my own logistics after feeling a bit frazzled by the logistics. My siblings liked my plans so much that they will either try to join to stay for a night or visit the campsite for the day. I also noticed it will be father's day. They never did anything to memorialize their father's death like they had for my niece and Uncle Joe (which were actually joyful events), so maybe going to a place that we all loved would be a nice acknowledgement.

I shared with my siblings that despite the logistics and their difficulties, it was nice that everyone wanted to be together. Some people felt they were left out or bla bla blah, and all I could say was 'just try to get there and there's always later.' I decided to go into my usual travel mode where I see people where and when I can see them. Travel is enough stress, so the name of the game is to not stress myself out with visits, especially if people aren't really trying to be accommodating or if their schedules are just that tight.

Then, one sibling is a serious crazy-maker and cries because people avoid her and her crazy-making. She just doesn't get certain things and is bad at delivering on events she plans: she won't have food available, doesn't show up, or it's delayed by hours. She was getting married and I was going to fly up to attend, but she either cancelled or rescheduled it. I didn't bother trying to attend on the new date since I didn't want to lose again money on a nonrefundable ticket, or to make all the effort to get there for everything to be cancelled again.

Mom also has these grand ideas about what she'd like to do, but the realities might not pan out. She hadn't communicated anything she wanted to do with people who could help with that happening, and harbors a giant delusion that the crazy-maker sibling is going to have things in place for her. I nudged Mom into contacting people and seeing what was possible, and we came up with a backup plan for her return Texas if/ when the sibling flakes out on her.

But, I actually feel excited about the trip. I hope the weather, car, and other things cooperate. I heard the campsite doesn't have wifi, and I bet I won't have good telephone service there. That sounds like just the thing I need!

(I was gonna embed Foster the People's Pumped up Kicks because Chris liked the song and danced to it in my car as we weaved through the usual Miami traffic. After I saw the song's lyrics and translated the recent comments in Russian, I was just as shocked to hear about Kazan as I did about the Parkland shootings from 3 years ago. My thoughts are with them, and as much violence as they've had to endure over the years, something about a mass school shooting taking place where they just don't happen brought a sense of compassion and despair.)

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