Cafe Hitch-hike

2021-06-27

Going home

The song says it best about my return to my river valley hometown in the midwest US.

Some things are precious and priceless, and this week was one of those, especially those at the campsite. I was so worried about many things on my 2-day drive up there, but many of those turned out to be baseless. We made it our own. Memories of my stepfather / their father were very much there, but so were the new ones we were making. We had exactly what we needed for a most comfortable and filling time. Filling, yes, we had enough food to feed everyone for a few days.

Best of all, everyone got along. We noticed that, and the time together reinforced the importance of selectivity when inviting people to things. I think we are becoming more aware of the chemistry of when certain people are with us, not to mention certain substances (alcohol) and how much is consumed.

Everyone got their drink on, but yet everyone was respectful. Oh, I sure did. I enjoyed Michigan's recreational cannabis with a beer on a couple of mornings while at the campsite, chased down with campfire coffee.

My nieces and nephews were there. I think this will be the last batch of kids my siblings will have. Now it's the next generation who will have the little ones that we never seemed to have a shortage of in the history of my family. We swam together, wrestled around, and just plain played. I guess that Big Sister gene in me never left, and I was mostly content with watching at some moments, and then either jumping in or starting a game in other times. My sis Rosepetal has 5 kids, and they're pretty cool. Even when they dropped my $70 dive mask into the silty lake (and I couldn't find it), I was a little ticked but it definitely didn't ruin the weekend or even the hour.

I kind of felt like a border collie. Everyone did what they liked, it seemed. I provided most of the outdoor equipment and some direction. I told everyone to meet at the discount grocery store which was next to a dollar store and farm/ outdoor equipment store where everyone could get what they needed, and it was easy. I also watched the kids and barked at them for swimming in the deep end when they were out of breath. Heck, I kind of look like a border collie, in a way.

"We can't save you if we can't see you," I said to my nephews in my coach/ teacher/ bossy ass woman voice. No, I wasn't throwing my weight around. We had a neighbor whose son drowned during an instance of typical, low-grade mischief, and drowning deaths increased in Michigan after drowning prevention programs lost their funding. "I know you think it won't happen to you, but it happens to others."

Mom and I even had a couple of tough conversations. She's starting to own some responsibility for things that happened, but not all (but that was phenomenal improvement). I was actually able talk to her without getting overloaded with emotion or lashing out at her. Best of all, I had *zero* breakdowns.

Mom and I left the campsite on Monday because the weather took a turn for the worse. Sunday night had severe weather and a tornado touched down in the region. Our tent started to leak during a heavy rain and we woke up to constant booms and lightening. When I saw both of these, I popped open the hatchback of my little rice burner that made the 1,300 mile trip; we had to sleep in there to avoid getting wet and cold, and worse, lightening strikes (I did debrief her of this Plan B if the weather got bad). I wasn't even mad about the weather turning bad. I forgot that Michigan had awful weather and variable summers, and it kind of made me laugh. It's ok to sleep in my hatchback if you're shorter than 5'6 (and Mom and I are both taller, haaaaaaah). We slept with our ankles crossed over each other's (and the hatchback was closed). The only drag about that was the hardness of the surface.

We checked into a nice hotel (thanks to a generous room discount courtesy of sis Beads). It had an indoor pool for the kids to come visit, and lots of space in the room because it was a suite. Mom and I just relaxed together, and she kind of became my unofficial side kick.

Mom and I do have some little adventures whenever we're together for longer periods of time. When we were in the Orlando area last October, we took a Florida Project movie tour of Kissimmee, FL. I took a bunch of pictures of her visiting sites from the show, even down to standing in a stairwell where Moonie and her friends peered at a topless women sunbathing in the motel pool. While in Michigan, we took a culinary tour of sorts. A Mexican-American restauranteur brought a dish to the region in the 1960s and it became a huge hit. Different restaurants make the dish, and we tried it at 3 places. We missed the one that was her favorite, but we'll hit it next time.

Getting the first dish was also an adventure. It was the first day Michigan lifted all their pandemic restrictions. There was a line out the door for the food, and 3 people worked cheerfully hard to get us our food. Like the rest of the country, there's a bit of a labor shortage. Many businesses had signs that indicated limited hours and services because of that, but also because of supplies!

Visits... I didn't get a chance to visit many people. I figured the 2 day drive would kick my ass along with the robust action of camping (and being around many people). I really wasn't up to hauling ass all over the place. I did, however, visit my stepsister. She is 54 and taking care of an adult child with autism, so she really can't work much and stays home. I could see why she especially wanted some female company, but... Renee and I actually had a lot to talk about.

I've always had mixed feelings about my step-father's family. They've always been kinder to me than their own blood siblings, and it bothered me. There's multiple reasons we suspect for that, but ultimately, it came out that they really don't reach out to each other. My sis Big Momma did note that, and how Renee and I did keep in touch; she also said I was good at that, which felt good coming from her. Also, it didn't help that my sis Rosepetal was kind of a jerk to them over the years and never paid back money they loaned her. I told sis Big Momma that my relationship with my own father's family was quite similar; the connection was pretty awkward and haphazard, and I definitely felt the torn feelings they all felt about their relationship with them.

Then, I got to spend time with my paternal half-sis Kelly and her adult son. We had some laughs over dinner, but I wish I could had spent more time with them.

I sent Huck some pics of the campsite and the lake because he likes the outdoors and also the midwest. We had a nice exchange and he sent me a link to a reggae song he liked (I used it to welcome myself and maybe reintegrate myself to my region).

After thinking it over a bit, it occurred to me that I missed the spirit of the relationship. I'll take the mental and physical chemistry, attraction, affection, and companionship. I'll take the feeling of being disarmed (in a good way) by his inner youthful charm; I opened up to him because I thought he was kind and gentle (and he was). I'll also embrace the feeling of just be-ing and feeling coupled with someone which was something I've felt around very few men. I'll take all of that again but without the deception and distance (and maybe a couple of his quirks). I wished things could had been different, but I never saw those things in that combination before Huck.

downwind | upstream