Cafe Hitch-hike

2021-07-09

What about me? I wanna move on, too!

And we have another person rolling off our employee roster. A couple of years ago when I visited her location (which was a way from my building), we learned we had a lot of mutual interests and life trajectories. This colleague is another midwesterner like me; we joked that the midwest is a good place to be from. Because she was located elsewhere, she had an objective look at what went on and also observations over the personalities. She was like a lifeline for me because we shared many of these, and it was one thing that assured me I wasn't completely crazy when it came to the job.

This person is retiring. She is past the retirement age, but XT (Xanadu Tech, our employer) was offering retirements and she qualified. I guess now her hubby of 6 years and her will travel, play golf, and keep driving their bad-ass sports cars (she drives a BMW coupe that goes 70 in like 3 seconds, and she's 75 years old)!

This departure feels different. I'm happy for her, and I feel a little sad. I loved working with her and it was nice see a sane soul on our roster (there's few of these). I wrote her a nice note and left her my contact information so maybe we can keep in touch and we can have lunch if I'm in her area.

I guess the last 18 months showed me the emotional side of my connections with colleagues even more. I've pissed and moaned on these pages countless times about them, but I've had little rays of light enter where I wrote about those I appreciated and liked on many levels.

Heheh, I describe one grand pubah I joked was easy on the eyes, had great hair, and a nice smile, but I liked working with them. I've had kind of girl-crushes on people throughout the years. It's not sexual, but if a woman's beautiful, she's beautiful and also smart and personable? Hello, that's cool. The brain's engaged and there's more to admire. Then, there's the fine guys (haahha) I've gotten to interact with over the years who possessed elements of the same (and in some cases, got me tongue twisted to where I'm like 'duuuuh'). I also see people during my usual daytime routines around the worksite, those I see when I get my coffee, lunch, or to my car. We've actually said 'hello' to each other during site-wide video conferences!

I was just reading about how high numbers of people are jumping ship. I guess I feel like Steve and Joey, 2 guys I knew at the 7-11 convenience store from the last 2 years I was at University of the Rust Belt State and for a short time after I was finished. These guys were kind of like heterosexual life partners, and they both got regular jobs and moved on. There I was, stumbling along after my car crash of an internship, and the 2 biggest slackers in the town where managing to move on! I cried, 'what about me? I wanna move on, too!'

In a way, I feel a little bit the same but without the self-loathing and desperation I felt back then. I'll never know why I wasn't picked for a job I had my eyes on, but I whisper to myself that it wasn't meant to be and the universe had or has other plans for my ass. I also remind myself that I was hesitant about the job for a variety of reasons, especially because they have a lot more turnover than we have at XT.

Back to the drawing board, or revisit some other wonderful ideas I've been harboring under my dark hair and thick skull.

Plans. The world is upside down, and I'm thinking of my career (like Mark Vallen's illustration, hah). That, and the looming visit of a guy too out of touch with himself to be fully in a relationship (but at least the lovemaking was amazing, and that's something to look forward to as long as our vibes aren't too far off and something like that remains to be even possible).

downwind | upstream