Cafe Hitch-hike

2021-08-13

I guess that chapter is over. For now.

I'm listening to classic soul and finishing off the crappy low-carb beer Donnie left here last spring. I even celebrated 4:20 a bit earlier than usual. You see, today was my last day of working remotely since March 2020, a whole 17 months ago in the time of our pandemic.

Ah, 'I'll be around,' by The Spinners plays. Huck actually dedicated it to me (yes, and the damn lyrics are sooooo like him). I liked The Spinners a lot.

So I'll be around my building again. For my final remote lunch, I went to a local food cart run by a Black lady named Hagar. She made a killer grouper sandwich and fries. While I waited, I thought this was a big rite of passage because it would be my last take-out lunch with the places I grew fond of near my place, and other things I did during remote work would cease.

I should honor the transition. It began shortly after I started a new job with minimal direction while the world was on fire around me. People lost their jobs and things that propped them, but I had mine without a hitch (though there was some speculation). I had finished settling into my new place and it finally felt like it was mine. I finished my home office a few days before we were told to work remotely.

During the time I worked remotely, I felt aghast at what I heard in what one coined as the DDN - Dystopian Daily News. I fretted about a relationship, was terrified I couldn't do my new job as great as my predecessor, and was worried about my productivity. I had weight gain (like nearly everyone else). Happy memories of the previous year kept me afloat, and I started to see ones before that differently (Uncle's death). Music kept my spirits up, along with almost-gourmet foods and drink (Jameson and Flor de Cana were favorites, along with Pisco Sours).

My attention fluctuated. I had a spectrum of productivity ranging from 'dozed off on the futon with the dog during workhours' to 'finished learning and organizing brand new content and doing it with class.' My moods were ok, sometimes numbed as the days and weeks blurred, and sometimes I'd be tearful. Sometimes it was quite lonely, but at other times it was unusually not.

That was the extent of it. In some respects, remote work life had its challenges but they were easier to handle. Well, I got lucky on multiple levels, and I saw even more so the further we time meant. I guess having a simple life had its advantages.

There were times I couldn't recall previous months during remote work, or sometimes I had to really think hard to remember certain days or months. I guess we had to get some form of amnesia to not let it get to us. My other form of amnesia was cannabis along with music.

My personal life took interesting twists. I guess being in your upper-40s isn't a complete buzzkill (hahahah x 1,000). I thought my love life would die but I was quite pleased with what transpired (and kind of still am).

I counseled multiple people through losses, ranging from colleagues but especially with my family. I used to cry about that to Timmy and Donny; I can be strong for others for a little while, but I need to drop that once I step away, and I know they can handle a woman's tears (they both saw plenty throughout their lives). They weren't tears because I was angry at them at all, I felt tired and just wanted to release it and feel like I had a net that would also catch me. I used what I knew, but of course it hurts to see them in pain.

(aside) My sister got some information about her daughter's homicide case that she was never told until now. I knew about the information based on some public documents and it hit me in the stomach to see more than a homicide took place. I never talked about it to anyone except my coach, and I thought maybe I misinterpreted the documents. Last night, my sister finally heard about it and wanted me to confirm it what it meant. Sadly, and based on multiple sources, it was true and I had to tell her.

We had some words about how she could handle all of that and going to court for the trial. I didn't realize she wasn't sure how the trial would go, so I had to briefly explain that. That was just too much information for her to process. I kept my cool so she would keep hers or at least so she could have enough to brace herself. I also texted my sis Big Momma to check up on her, which she did within 3 minutes. BM later told me that Bre really did need someone at that time (yeah, I had to break some seriously shitty news to hear). I was so glad that notion popped into my head. (end of aside)

I've been in contact with my family a ton more than before, and there's so much more I can say about that. I've seen a cohesion I've never seen before in my family. I quite proud of how they handled things (and hoped it wouldn't reverse itself).

Anyhow... I guess I can write more about this after I finish the last of Donnie's poor choice of beer (well, he brought it cos I asked and he doesn't really drink).

I guess that chapter is over. For now.

downwind | upstream