Cafe Hitch-hike

2012-01-25

Decision risks & returns

Important choices that could had steered my life in a different direction:

1. Now that I see it, I didn't really have to work my fanny off to put myself through school. I could had settled for a menial job, but I didn't cos I thought it would confine me to a lifetime of menials jobs. Or maybe not?

2. Transfer from the local junior college to U. of Rust Belt State. I could also had chosen to go to a different local college, but I wanted to go for all the damn marbles... Rust Belt State had one of the best programs for what I wanted to study, so I sucked it up and went there. What if I went to a local college instead?

Well, then again, part of the reason I went away to go to that school was so I could get the fuck out of my hometown (and family) of Cornstalk, Michigan.

3. Not continue with U. of Rust Belt State's post-baccalaureate program in my area of study. What would had happened if I decided to try for a teaching internship someplace else?

4. Move to Detroit.

5. Move to Toronto. I had a companion named Max who I kinda-sorta dated off and on for 2 years (quite the pattern in my life). He invited me to move in with him in more ways than one, but I was kind of chicken and thought it was a stupid idea. Would we have a life together?????

6. Not move to South Florida. What would had happened if I didn't tell my previous employer to take a hike? Would I be a total basket case? Would I had learned to adapt to that freaky environment? Would I had stayed in the region but found different work?

This definitely would mean I wouldn't had gotten to experience the surreal adventure known as my recent and current life (hahahah).

I sometimes wonder what my future self would say to my current self, sort of like when that happens in the car commercial. I often said to myself that I would had told myself to bail U. of Rust Belt State once I was finished with my degree, but then my life probably would had went a completely different direction.

Now that I think of it, I usually make my decisions conservatively and assume the almost-worse. It's rare for me to jump blindly into a big decision when it comes to my life. It's not easy for me to just "hope for the best." I may take a calculated risk where I examine the losses and then make my decision largely based on if I could weather them. Then, of course, I also look at the return that this risk/investment may provide. Is it worth it? I then measure that quite conservatively. If I foresee the level of return is at a certain proportion to the possible loss, then I make my move!

So how did I get so conservative? I think about the choices I watched my mother make. If I made a bad decision, I tried my damned hardest not to make things worse. It can be hell trying to undo, make amends, or just plain clean up a mess. Then, I think about time. Time cannot be replaced and I don't want to waste excessive time I have on this green and blue sphere with mopping up my messes. So, I try to minimize the messes.

There you have it, Hitch-hike's guide to life.

The other piece is I don't think second chances are very easy to come by. In some respects, perhaps a second chance occurs because life is ripe for it. Maybe I had few second chances in life because those chapters were just plain completed and there was no sense in turning back? (Hahahah, that just made me think about the second chance between me and Felipe from this past fall). Anyhow, I just can't recall being able to have a second chance in too many situations, so my though is to not mess up the first one if I can help it.

Well, then again it's not like I've been without my reckless decisions (mainly in my relationships, hahahah). When it comes to the larger orchestrations of my life, I tend to move slowly...

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