Cafe Hitch-hike

2008-12-03

Holiday

The return to the former residence was wonderful! I had a great time visiting with my hosts, but also with my friends Kika, Nick the Prof., and my mentor Crazy Larry and his missus.

I got to walk around the town's historic district and took lots of pictures of the old houses. It was close to the water (and in a massive high-risk flood zone) and got to take a nice walk, just as I had done when I first moved there.

Kika and I went out on the town. We first went to see a play/poetry reading of "for colored girls who considered suicide/ when the rainbow is enuff,"by Ntozake Shange. Afterwards, we wandered to a fishing pier downtown where we got caught up, where I got to see a light sea mist creep over the bay at dusk. Kika is amazing in that we really do lead parallel lives: what has happened to me has actually happened to her, and likewise! We had some serious talks about what's going on in our lives.

"The difference between a boundary and a wall around yourself is that a boundary is something you consciously choose to do to protect yourself," she said. "A wall is something you build out of fear and is a reaction."

Her statement was amazing because I've been wrestling between the difference between being "closed" out of fear of getting hurt versus being "cautious" and listening to my gut and acting from that. Sometimes it's hard for me to distinguish, and often I feel like I've closed up an awful lot.

We had plenty of laughs over local cuisine. One thing I enjoyed about the region was some of their restaurants and items. One place makes a very interesting dish of grits with gouda cheese, shallots, shrimp, and other delectable items. Kika and I shared a hearty-sized plate and had a giggly night out.

Seeing Nick was nice, too. We went to his favorite redneck bar on his side of town. I really wanted to go to my favorite redneck bar on 'my' side of town, but his place sufficed.

Crazy Larry and Vix told me about the happenings of my previous institution. Apparently they are going through financial problems way worse than my current institution; I just hope that's not a sign of things to come for us! They have been laying people off, cutting programs, and haven't been giving any raises. In some respects, my leaving was probably a good thing.

I also got to see mi casa... I drove down the boulevard lined with pine trees, and drove around a beautiful curve that lead to my subdivision. I loved the curve and the trees; I didn't feel like I was in a dry suburb. It was more like the outskirts. I pulled into the grassy cul-de-sac of my neighborhood and then pulled into my driveway. There was my little house. IT LOOKED MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN I REMEMBERED IT!

My eyes got big and I wanted to run into it! I fumbled the lock and ran inside. Yes, the smell of paint was in the air, just as I remembered. There were my brightly painted walls, the windows that let in ample sunlight... My heart swelled: I did this, I kept saying to myself. I made this beautiful place! Yes, it was my little Barbie playhouse. The renter didn't do any damage to it (except for installing a very TACKY satellite dish on the roof, smack in front of the house).

A part of me couldn't believe I lived there. It looked too beautiful! However, I remembered the kitchen counters, the coolness of the tiled kitchen floor... I then went into my bedroom, with purple painted in a cross-hatch patterns... Yes, I did that.

I was very sad to see that most of the shrubs I planted died. I guess they missed Mama's attentiveness and green thumb. Other than that, all else was nice.

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The Rest of the Holidays.

I'm not sure I'll be able to make it to see my mother and relatives in Texas for the holidays. Business at the cabaret had been slow for the past 2 weeks, so I didn't earn the money I was accustomed to earning in the past 2 months. I'm not too sure how much money will flow my way for this month.

Meanwhile, The Sister Princess in Texas has been begging me to spend Christmas with her. I'm glad for the invite, but she gets annoying really quick! She spends all her time home and that gets boring, but she also gets hissy when things don't go her way.

The other part is I'm kinda put in the middle of a test of wills between she and her man. He's super-close-and-tight with his mother and travels to see her every chance he gets. My sister and he have spent nearly every holiday with his mother since they've been together. Now, The Sister wants a little change although her man's mom wants to visit them for Christmas. They don't really have the space for both of us, but I'm not that crazy about her boyfriend to begin with and I originally did not plan to travel until after Christmas.

I already told them what my tentative holiday plans were: fly into Texas to visit after Christmas and then return home beforeNew Year's. I don't want to travel on the holidays at all because of heavy traffic everywhere. However, The Sis continues to text, 'please, come on!!' However, I'm not not sure if I can afford my original plans at all!

Oh, yeah... the other part is that I spent a little bit of my earnings on a 3-day cruise. My buddy Ally and I are going to Nassau before Christmas. Hey, we're two single women who work hard and want to cut loose and get away from it all. I thought I'd be able to afford the cruise and a trip to Texas, but I'm not sure if I can if December is slow...

Now I'm trying to balance spending time with family with giving myself a little fun time... I'm glad that I do actually have people to spend my time with, but huh... I have almost too many people. My family in Michigan are also asking if I plan to visit over Christmas.

I guess, going back to the conversation between me and Kika, I'm trying to establish boundaries for how I want to spend my holidays. My family has a consistent record of having unpleasant holidays, so I choose to limit my exposure to it as much as possible. Visits with my sister also prove to be annoying and to top it off, I don't want to be standing in the middle of one of her power struggles (wouldn't that make for a nice visit?). What would any rational person do in my situation, compounded with an iffy money situation?

La-dee-dah... Maybe I can hire someone to kidnap me for the holidays. "Hey guys, I'd love to join you all but I've been kidnapped and I have no idea when they're going to let me go," and then after the New Year's, "oh, hey, they let me go! What a relief!"

Maybe for the next winter break, I'll take my dream trip to Seychelles or the Mediterranean cruise. "Gosh, I'm gonna be half-way around the world for the holidays. Sorry, but bye!"

downwind | upstream