Cafe Hitch-hike

2025-03-12

This weird and wonderful world

I won’t have gym this week thanks to the test I had to get done last week, on the last day of my vacation. Perimenopause has been pushing me around for a good 5 years now, and it’s not through with me yet. At a recent checkout, the nurse practitioner was concerned about a couple of things she saw and hence, the test.

Test… I don’t know if what I’ve been feeling has been from aging and PM, or something else. At least once I have the results, I can eliminate ‘something else’ if it’s negative. Of course, a part of me is nervous and can hardly wait for the results.

I helped Irene the neighbor with an app on her tv and cuddled with her chihuahua known as Demon Dog. Her husband is in hospice care and about 3 weeks ago, she dropped in and told me. We’ve all been friendly in the time I’ve been in the neighborhood, and it’s sad to see. When I went into their unit, he was asleep in a hospital bed in the middle of the living room and with his mouth wide open. Irene then took me into the bedroom to work on the TV.

It made me recall that was how my birth father was in the last 3 weeks of his life: also laying in a bed in a main room with a steady morphine drip to manage the pain, with his mouth open and numbed from the pain of the fluid collecting in his lungs. I recognized the presence of a body-in-hospice smell, although John the husband’s was different.

Of course, I stayed at Irene’s for a bit and we were able to have some laughs and chat for a bit (just as we did in the presence of my birth father, though he received plenty of genuine care and attention). I’ve been learning more about Irene and John, they are from abroad and she told me a little bit about what that was like and how their once-small place country-region grew so rapidly. Theirs is another beautiful story from afar that I got so see.

When I go to Michigan, cousin Drew will be going up to see his father, Uncle Zeke; my bro Deebo will also go since they are close and Zeke is his godfather. My sis Big Momma was thinking of helping his sis Kenna get a ticket to go up to also be there. No one knows what exactly is happening with Zeke, but none of it sounds good.

What also doesn’t sound so great is no one knows if Zeke is willing to see his daughter and son. Sis BM and I knew this was a very real possibility. I suggested to see what Kenna wanted to do while being aware of that possibility. However, I also said if Zeke was going to be that way, that was his damn deal and at least Kenna and Drew can say they tried to see him. Also, Kenna and Drew are so precious to my siblings and me; at least we’d all be together for a little while. We could be there for them, although I’m sure it wouldn’t completely buffer how they’d feel if their father refused them.

I was supposed to study tonight and get some work done for Prof. ABC’s class. I thought about getting the remaining classes done by the end of the year but I would have to haul ass to get that done. Otherwise, it would take me another year at this rate. When I looked backwards, I recalled that I decided to apply for other jobs a year ago and it didn’t seem long ago at all. I thought I could stretch it out for a year, but last year, we didn’t have psychotic leaders who were hell-bent on destroying the country and the agencies that partly sponsor my current organization.

I was thinking this morning about why I pursued these additional credentials in the first place, and the few things that nudged me into that direction. I was trying to reconcile where I am now with what brought me here. I don’t know how all of these things are going to play out (my country, my job, my body)… it certainly is such a weird and wonderful world, as my friend Carlo the German said in his end-stage cancer during the Covid pandemic.

downwind | upstream