Cafe Hitch-hike


93 Hours to my vacation and huffing

What the hell happened? It felt like I just stepped into a freaking blender! I screwed up at work and tried to be slick and got smacked for that. I was up all night covering a shift at the university library. I made a preliminary decision to give my two-week notice at the university. I then finally experienced the rite of passage known as graduation and induction. I also had a run-in with this freaky bi-guy I had a crush on more than 2 years ago, and it's like every time he sees me he gives me goo-goo eyes and it makes me crazy.

If these things were not enough, the public library gave me a schedule strange as ever for the next 3 weeks! And to top it off, John's freaking out about his work and money (yah, he has this issue of becoming wealthy, out of revenge, to trump the father who gives him no shred of support or dignity; he also has the pleasure of sending his over-scheduled teenaged daughter to one of the priciest private schools around here). He needs the work to achieve his goals and duties, after all. His schedule with work and games and practices and client demands make my head spin.

I take my vacation at the end of this week, and I don't feel like dragging all this craziness with me! I'd like to think that it will cool me off, let me relax and forget about things for a little while. Gees, and then I get to come back and step into this mess again.

And then I walk through my fully furnished flat and the stuff that is in it. I remind myself that I didn't have any of this 3 years ago, not even the bed I sleep on, the privacy I have, and the opportunities in life.

Job search is tough, but this is what I've managed to keep together.

John. I know we're not perfect. When he's busy acting crazy over work, I feel that he is far away from me; his attention isn't on me but something else far removed from me. Is that how I am when I get angry about mine? There is also a bit of an age difference between us and that is the honest-to-god truth. It's like Kelsey Grammer taking Amelie for a date. Yes, folks. That's how it looks...

But how we look to the public doesn't explain that when we are together, my abode has more life in it than it ever had? Why does he understand me so much better than most people? Why is he able to see things in me that I know are there but few others seem to notice? Why do I feel safe when I am with him?

For goodness sake, he's there when he says he will be and he's there if I need him. He's treated me better than most of the creeps I've dated! If dating this older person is making me happy, even with his own problems, then I suppose that is what should matter more than how we look to the public! Sometimes it gets terribly annoying to see the surprise in people's faces when they see us together.

Oh, god, yes, it is SO time for me to take a vacation.

downwind | upstream