Cafe Hitch-hike


Meet John Edwards

Or, Yesterday morning's phone calls

Uncle Joe: Hey Hitch-hike, is your mom there?

Me: Mom? You're kidding, right? She's in Austin!

UJ: No, she left. She said she was heading your way first when she gets into Michigan.

Me: Huh? Oh, hahahah, you're kidding, right? You're kidding?

UJ: No! She left Thursday morning. She just decided to come back. Did she call you?

Me: No, she hasn't. I have caller ID, and I didn't see anything. I wish she had a cell so we could call her.

Me: She's coming here? Crap, I've got things to do today!... Well, I guess I'll stick around 'til she calls or shows up.

UJ: Okay, then... So what are your plans today?

ME: Well, today I met John Edwards. He was speaking down the street from my house. He's impressive.

UJ: Oh, yeah, so you know him? He is pretty good. He taught me alot, he had coached me, especially about speaking. (Joe meets alot of celebrities through his job as a doorman at a 4-star hotel)

Me: Yeah, he's quite attractive, too! Hmmm-mmmm!

UJ: Yeah, Don Edwards's a pretty good guy.

Me: DON? No, "John," I met John Edwards, the guy running for vice president with Kerry!

UJ: JOHN? OH! I thought you met "Don". Don was a teacher and coach at my high school, Preston High. So what did you think about him?

Me: He had good things to say. He reinforced what he and Kerry had to say in the debates, but he added more about helping families and single-parent families, and passing hate-crime legislation.

UJ: Interesting (Uncle's a Bush fan).

Me: Yeah, he's, uh, pretty handsome, too! He's got that Carolina accent that I love! Mmmm-mmmm! (We both laugh)

UJ: So what does John think about that?

Me: Which one? (my boyfriend's named John--- we laugh again). I just don't tell him...

(5 mintues later, talking to Auntie Juana)

Auntie: ...Your mom just picked up and moved back on Thursday!

Me: Well, why did she do it?

AJ: She had this feeling that if she stayed around, something really bad would happen.

Me: Damn, that was a good thing. Mom's got good intuition, you know. If she thought that, chances are it would happen.

AJ: ...She was just taking time off from her life in Michigan. She's ready to go back to it.

Me: Thanks fo the heads-up. I was thinking about looking for work in the hometown. Now that she's back, I think I'll stay here.

AJ: I hear you. I love her, too, but she's really a handful... So Joe just called you?

Me: Yeah, he called right when I came back from meeting John Edwards. He presented this morning just down the street from me.

AJ: The psychic guy on TV?

Me: NO! "John" Edwards!

AJ: Oh, I know him. He was a teacher at Preston High.

Me: Not "Don!" Joe said the same thing! John Edwards is the guy who's running for vice president!

AJ: (pause) Oh, JOHN Edwards! (laughs) Here I was thinking you meant the psychic guy! (we laugh)



1. Mom abruptly decided to come back to Michigan.

(For some background, Mom abruptly moved to Austin last year after a fight with her hillbilly alcoholic boyfriend... she jumped on the 5:30 a.m. Greyhound to Texas... She pulled shit like this all the time when I was a kid and dragged me along with her, but she hadn't done this in over 15 years; it was a surprise for us all.)

2. I will drop any plan to move back to my hometown, which is where she will be.

3. My relatives all thought John Edwards was someone else.

4. John Edwards (the VP candidate) presented yesterday down the street from where I live and I went to see him. Politics, nothing... The man is hot!

4a. (not included in either conversation) He is handsome, but I take the association further 'cause I associate him with a former beau from North Carolina. The beau was the only guy I ever dated from the Carolinas, but hey... it's irrational, it's my own generalization, but I'll enjoy it and it probably won't harm or kill anybody!

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