Cafe Hitch-hike


To feel those things again

It was nice to spend Christmas with my sister and her family although the vibes were off between me and her. I was not sure if she waa depressed again, tired, or not happy with the choice I made to end it with Rafa. We have had weird visits or disagreements in the past and I could just chalk this up as one.

The funny part was lighting fireworks on the night of Christmas. They had a lot more boom than any of us expected. It was a rocket that ahot abouy 50 feet in the air with a loud BOOM! My niece told me as I ran from the firework (it lit much faster than I thought), I blurted, "oh shit!" She helped me clean up the shreds of cardboard that remained and our hands smelled like gunpowder and sulfur. We laughed for the reat of the night.

I will take the next leg of my trip to Austin tonorrow. I will see my mother and her people and also a couple of friends.

I guess although I felt a big relief to step out of a role that wasn't quite me, I still don't quite feel like myself and it hurts. I guess when I look at the changes and loss I had seen this year, I should not feel so weird and accept what I feel as adjustments. It's just that I just want to feel grounded and like I can fully breathe and be ok in my own skin. My wish for 2018 is to feel those things again. Maybe this road trip is parr od what I need ro reach those points.

downwind | upstream