Cafe Hitch-hike

Diary

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Sit in my own light :
2020-04-26
Stay healthy :
2020-04-21
Come go with me :
2020-04-17
Playing unsupervised :
2020-04-14
Things that pass :
2020-04-08

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Diaryland

2020-04-01

Pretty little world, pretty little dreams

By seemingly default, my mind drifted thanks to the music that played while I worked this a.m. I listened to English pop/ electronic that I liked while I was in my teens and 20s, and by default all these cool songs took me back...

...I used to spend LOTS of times in my head when I was a teen. Daydreaming was my specialty. I wove a pretty little world that I was able to control. I had imaginary friends, admirers, and conversations. I had imaginary experiences, but mostly all I wanted was just... a friend. Someone who could listen to me and not think I was weird. Someone who spoke my language Someone who was on the same page as me. Someone I could also understand and love.

That world felt warm and comfy, like a blanket. I felt a sense of peace. Yeah, that was one ability I've had for as long as I can remember. The same things that allowed me to daydream also helped me imagine things. I guess I'm not all flighty, sometimes I made moves to make those pretty little dreams into a reality. I can say that Rafa is a lot like the imaginary friend I used to wish for. I can say things around my house and immediate world are pretty damn close to what I dreamed of.

Then came a time, when I was 19, when I realized I needed to live in the real world and interact with it more than my inner world. It was nice to control, and it was happy, but it just wasn't real and I was isolating myself. And, I wasn't giving myself the chance to make something out there that was more like what I wanted.

But now, 27 years later, the barriers are lowered. Thanks to the pandemic, I don't have the rush-rush of the daily rigor, I don't have the interpersonal friction that is so usual with my damn workplace. Even the outer world has slowed down: appointments, traffic, things to manage. It gave the little fairies of my imagination the space to play freely and openly, and even cohabit with my present-day world of library, online education, and cootie stuff. Well, maybe my wee little brain reverted back to that magical thinking in my head because of cabin fever and slight social isolation.

Meanwhile, I had a talk with The Powers That Be in the building. My ideas about things were actually embraced, and a couple of them seemed to calm down and smile as I talked and we interacted. I guess I seem composed, and I can thank my little daydream and focus for that. At the end, a couple of them said they appreciated the talk.