Cafe Hitch-hike

2020-11-29

So when that taste reminds you, you know just where to find me

As it turned out, I spent Thanksgiving with my brother, cousin, and second cousin after all. It was a brief thing. Instead of a traditional dinner, we grilled steaks, had a bonfire in the back of their farmhouse, and watched movies. I've always had a playful relationship with Deebo and Drew, so I don't feel like I impose as much when I visit other relatives.

I'm so amazed that this is the 3rd year of us doing this. A former beau Joey suggested I did it because he didn't want me to be alone for the holiday, and it was after Uncle Joe died. The following year, my sis Bre/ Beads visited to get her daughter's ashes and meet the detective on her homicide case. We took her to Clearwater Beach, and she liked it so much she came back a month ago and spent a few days there. This year, it was just us again, but Bre saw pics and said she'll try to make it again next year.

It was a nice visit this year. I didn't realize that I'm now a bridge. I'm the oldest in our generation and am closer with our aunts, uncles, and people before us than they were, so there I was, talking about them and kind of bringing D & D into those relationships. I also told Julio, my second cousin and son of Drew's sis Kenna, about his grandma and even great-grandma's people up in the river valley hometown.

"...they were Polish-American. They had such big hearts and were fun people," I said while happily remembering the Krzysztofskis. Aunt Roxie (bless her soul) was Julio's grandma and I also knew his great-grandmother and great-aunts and uncles. "They also had some German in them."

"I'm also part-German?" Julio asked with happy surprise.

Julio was raised elsewhere and all of what went on in the river valley was largely unknown to him. The Krzysztofski's family life was just as troubled as ours, but they were good people and I at least wanted to give Julio a gentle sense of that. Hell, maybe that was all he needed to really know.

Gentle touch... As Drew, Deebo and I cooked the food, I smiled. All I wanted to do was reach out and I was glad we could be together. Of course there's family drama and this and that, but what I liked about D &D is we could usually enjoy each other's company without drama as the centerpiece (it's more like a seasoning, heheheh). We had some brief remembrances of the past, but we were in a much different time and place years later. We were together again, remembering things, yet making our own traditions as we saw fit and living in the now.

I finally feel like I can share and give something to them that says I know we live a distance from each other. I know past holidays sucked for us. I know we live with echoes of our troubled family life, but I'm so glad you're closer by and we can spend this time now. I couldn't add my part to all of this if I was in a different emotional space. I also sense that no one else could do it quite the way I did it; this was my unique contribution.

The visit began with a chance meeting with another visitor while getting coffee in the hotel lobby. He was attractive but seemed dour, and I recognized his accent. We ran into each other later in the evening in the hotel jacuzzi, after my visit with Deebo, Drew, and Julio. I was about to leave and joked, "Ponce de Leon's fountain of youth awaits." He surprised me with a slight smile and a look that said, 'don't go yet!'

I was on the money with his accent and he said he recognized mine (he's lived in Michigan for almost 30 years). We had a spirited conversation, yet could see more than each other's words. We recognized things in each other that weren't otherwise visible or could be touched. It intrigued me as much as it excited him, and we felt it. He invited me to his room for a drink when the jacuzzi closed for the night.

A bit later, we laid next to each other. He asked gently, "let me look into your eyes." I casually looked in his brown eyes to amuse him. He initially flinched before setting his eyes on mine. It didn't feel probing or heavy, and I didn't feel much of anything. I was surprised how easy it was. He remained quiet and kept looking softly into them. His physical energy was attentive yet also soft; I didn't feel intimidated or like I had to have my guard up. I was surprised I didn't. My thoughts were also calmed.

"What do you see?" I quietly asked. He didn't tell me but I wanted him to. What could he see? I was curious, yet we laid there for a little bit longer.

"Now," he almost whispered, staying in place, "be still."

Our eyes were on each other's and we remained in the gaze. I didn't feel energy enter me but I felt it stir in my middle. In my mind and as if looking from the ground, I imagined the pale blue, springtime skies of my childhood. I then saw a young girl running on the grass, laughing and smiling. It was me! I was happy and laughing, and it rolled in me.

"I feel-- joy," I shared, as the image of the little girl running under a blue sky remained. It was there and softly faded into white.

He kept his gaze and didn't say anything. I felt energy in my middle and it radiated upward before jerking downward and back up again. My eyes watered and started to slightly burn.

"Let it go," he whispered.

I wanted to stop the watering and didn't know what it was about. Although I was very surprised about the intensity of our interactions, I didn't feel hurt, fear, or embarrassment. He whispered again to let it go and more tears gradually appeared until I felt a jerking between my middle and my chest, and before I knew it...

"Hold me," he said, "hold me tight."

We stopped looking into each others eyes and I wept. I didn't know the pain or what I cried about at first until grief announced itself. It was a heaviness I didn't feel often, and I held him tighter when it got the most heavy.

It's like a wave. Let it take its course, I thought, and it slowly did. I then started to feel very tired and was ready to fall asleep.

We didn't ask each other what we saw or felt. This man definitely knew a lot about energy; perhaps he was an empath. He sweetly kissed me at my door and left me his card. I was free to get in touch the next time I was in Detroit.

I still don't know exactly what to make of that second part of my excursion. That was probably the first time I was picked up by a male empath or at least one with abilities like his. I know myself well enough, but I wondered how it all looked from his perspective; I really wished he told me. In a way, it was a beautiful mirroring experience, like 2 people held up mirrors to each other to remind them what's stunning and makes them uniquely them. God knows we get enough reminders from each other about what's not.

downwind | upstream