Cafe Hitch-hike

2022-07-28

All work and no play…

The awful project continues to roll on and I’m pretty much its head. It is awful because it is draining. A party we have to work with is not easy; they’ve made a lot of errors and we’ve had to communicate things that went wrong (things they were supposed to be routinely done) and what we rightfully need to see happen. I usually couldn’t give a flying rip but others above us and outside of our building are evaluating the project and expect to see results.

I know those on the outside know that my group doesn’t have complete control of the situation, but we have to show we’ve done the best we could. I just have to accept that our project collaborators have a completely different perception of just about everything including what will make it successful. I have to accept that some people just live life with their very own understandings. My boss and I talked about all of that, and they could see where we came from. I can see why it’s been so draining. I also thought I was over things, but buttons I didn’t know I had were getting pushed. It’s just I’d rather see things harmonious, but God knows my version of that is different than others’.

I was able to check off some stuff on my house to-do list. The big one, kitchen countertops and painted covers, is the big one and I actually had a contractor who was interested in doing it. I just hope they don’t want to charge me the exorbitant price one jerk gave me for work. I will see and there’s other contractors. Once that’s done, I think I’ll be done with house projects for the rest of the year. I’m impressed with my will to get things done!

Then again, I actually liked doing stuff like this back when I owned a little house in Gulf Bluff a million years ago. I was able to install a fence, plant some shrubs in my yard, and revitalize my yard. I did a killer paint job, too. I quietly felt proud of that house, and I almost felt like what I did help me stand a bit taller in my own skin.

I’m doing different things to my house than I did there, and in little phases, which makes sense since I’ve been in this unit for longer. I’m seeing how the little phases and accomplishments add up to something bigger.

Well, I’ll definitely be saying that for some other work I know I’ll eventually need to do (but won’t say too loudly so they won’t happen sooner, bahaah).

There just may be a light at the end of my friend Carlo’s wishes. His friend Giancarlo told me things turned in our favor, and I will know for sure tomorrow if they actually did. G. said he was also heading to the Isle of Man sometime this month to collect some items he left there; he used to work there and sold his apartment, so he was going there to ship, sell or give away his belongings he had left. He said he may want to take Carlo’s ashes there and put them in the sea, and I said I was happy with the idea.

I still have Carlo’s collage up and I took pictures so I could preserve it. I think I’ll take it down once G. takes the ashes to the sea. I also wanted to put an obituary in Carlo’s hometown newspaper so his friends from long ago could see a notice. It was an interesting contrast to see the German-language obituaries in the newspapers compared to ones in North America. Ours read like a mini-biography, but theirs appeared to be very brief: “Rest in Peace, Our Beloved. Love, (Names of family)” with a picture of the person. A Latino would just about get a full-paged ad with even cousins and best friends mentioned after immediate family.

Lighten my load. My boss is recommending I take some time off again and it makes me nervous when she does. I know I have an awful lot of earned time off, but it makes me nervous to take it off. My former supervisor and departmental colleague make a snarky remark about the 3 weeks I took off for post-surgery, and I hope they felt the daggers coming out of my eyes with that. Maybe that’s what makes me nervous about taking time off. I think I understand why she wants me to because (a) I’ve been working like an ox and (b) the work I’ve done lately has been unusually detailed and complex. I also really haven’t been able to take a longer amount of time off, like say 5 days in a row, thanks to the wonderful project.

I’d love to travel but am nervous about uncertainties in weather, flying, money, bla bla bla. But, I know I really need to lighten the load or all work and no play makes me a dull gal.

downwind | upstream