Cafe Hitch-hike

2022-02-10

Maybe I can use a little break?

Maybe I should listen to my boss when they suggested that I take some time off. I'm not aware of any scrapes as of late between me or others, and I've done decent work. Hell, I held an online webinar last week which had some of the highest attendance of its type, and it was well-received.

Maybe that's the thing. February is a busy month for my field because it has 2 national times of awareness, so I got really busy with activities. Although everyone is stunned with some degree of pandemic stupor, I'm volleying activities like it's freaking Wimbledon.

Well, I guess I do it because I like what I do and it's what keeps me from sinking further into pandemic stupor and depression. I can't even do much herb because it now usually makes me feel worse as does drinking. But, I keep up my hikes and I've found some new places to go. I still walk my dog at the nearby horse farm though she's tapped out after 25 minutes (and less if it's too warm). The lady who held the sanpedro ceremony told me I was welcomed to hike on the easement around her nursery and her son's adjoining tree farm. I may need to take her up on it because I'm in contact thanks to mutual friends.

It's funny because over 30 years ago, my uncles lived close to where she is. When I visited one summer, I often hiked the easements along the canals and would run barefoot down their pine-lined streets (which I think have been taken down because they were declared an invasive species and were replaced with native trees). It's funny how we can be called back to something.

I had to tell my boss that in a month, I'll be going for surgery. Yep, it's for 2 hernias. A part of me likes to joke it's from all the sex I had in the past. I really don't think it is but it is a comforting and amusing thought! It's either genetics, something I was born with, muscle weakening or from bearing too much weight. The last 2 kinda saddens me because I've usually been physically strong. I played multiple sports and even held a high school record for the female military press, beating out a jockette who graduated a year ahead of me. Alas, the perils of aging!

Anyhoo, the boss also suggested taking family medical leave time if need be; FMLA is the US's pathetic version of unpaid time off for sick/ family matters where someone can't be fired though there are ways around that. The boss also suggested last year, when we were working remotely, that I could telecommute if I wanted to spend time in Michigan or Texas and work from there (I'd just need to tell them), but I really didn't want to go anywhere. I think I'll finally take her advice and ask for maybe a week or 2 extra for after the surgery. BTW, taking more than 3 days off work is largely verboten in the US and there's plenty of stories of people who go back after surgery or women who are back on the job even after having a baby within that time.

I remember back in the fall of 2018 when my beloved uncle died. I really wanted to take time off, like maybe 3 weeks or even a month just to chill the fuck out and process that grief (I took about a week or 10 days of my earned time off). I wasn't processing only mine, my family felt so lost and stunned on top of it. I didn't know until later that my mother felt suicidal for a few months. I wanted to take time off so badly but we were short-staffed at work and I had a middle-manager position. I just remembered walking into the building with was probably a very black cloud over my head and closing the door to my office because I was tearful. If only that option was available at that time!

It almost makes me paranoid about taking time off. Do they know something I don't? Do I have a wild, crazed look in my brown eyes, like although I may appear chipper people sense an undertone of something else? Or, maybe it's because my work has been consistent throughout the pandemic and maybe I can use a little break? I don't know, but I sure hope I get a clue (and that it's really for any of these points).

downwind | upstream