Cafe Hitch-hike

2022-11-07

Another frontier

Another cycle begins again. About 28 years ago, I was working with scattered diligence to get through my local college and make the big jump to the university. I'm now working with the same for-- the next jump.

The scattered part came from my fears and insecurities. After all, I was one of very few women in my brood who didn't get preggers by age 18. I didn't move in with a childhood beau, attempt to make him grow up, and huff out of the house a few years and a kid or 2 later, and only to repeat the process with someone else. I was on a freakin' new frontier.

The scattered part now: Well, the fears and insecurities aren't there. It's a tad bit of the things that are out of my control, but I realize I'm on that same boat with-- the world. I'm not so worried about losing my head (there's a surprise at least in the present), but I'm definitely concerned about climate issues since I'm pretty close to Ground Zero for multiple climate issues. But, it's nice to know I think I can kinda do the best I can. Maybe my only fear is I don't have the energy or time for my jump.

I remember working really hard during 28 years ago, and when I look back I'm amazed at what I was able to do even though it didn't feel like a big deal at the time. I was working in the hotel kitchen and my supervisor the sous chef said in my review, "she attends college full time and works here half-time, and is managing this beautifully." The chef was no spring chicken and I take that as a compliment.

I remember that time also brought my own summer of love. Jeff Buckley's CD came out right before my birthday that year (see above, this song wasn't as sad as most of the songs on it) and it reminds me of what played. I worked hard but made great friends in the kitchen. I had a lot of fun at Lake Michigan and its dunes on my days off (if you're receptive, you can feel their beautiful, subtle energy and hear language in its soft winds). I visited my family around town, and went to a cool concert series in a rural, hillside amphitheater that used to be a pasture and a drive-in. And, the feelings between me and a lovely grad student from South Texas were brewing and nothing could stop that. Even though he returned to his hometown when he finished his degree, we left each other with many happy memories; it was one of few times my life would ever get close to being a Nicholas Sparks novel (or at least my version of one, haaaaaah).

Then, at the end of that blitz of a summer, I moved with a female classmate but quickly left since she acquired a live-in boyfriend soon after. I moved in to my grandfather's house and that a good experience with semi-communal housing. I lived with Uncle Joe (he was my room-neighbor), Uncle Rico (a twin uncle), Grandpa's wife and Grandpa. Everyone was happy: if we wanted privacy, we closed our bedroom doors. If we wanted company or to go out to eat, we'd go in a 'public' area or open our doors. Grandpa was also happy from the constant companionship, and also the rent he was collecting from his roomers! But, I'd also say I buckled down on a lot of things to make a solid jump to the university.

So I'm attempting to make another jump. I really am doing this for my future, just as I was in 1993. A part of me feels tired I have to do this again, but then again, what if it's something like this that really makes us grow? Or, get knocked in the head to learn better and then grow?

I sure felt insecure a lot at that time, but I was so glad the universe brought plenty of things to make me smile. So I chip away with this next course, next frontier. I guess I can see if the universe also grants me a great love (in its many forms possible, heheheheh).

And, I can appreciate when my crazy experiments results in something solid, conclusive, or heck, even kind of beautiful. I embrace this next turn of the cycle and just try my best.

downwind | upstream