Cafe Hitch-hike

2022-12-21

Holiday bug

I searched for information on if my bug is flu, Covid or a common cold. It points at a flu. I have a fever along with cough, some stuffiness, and fatigue. I went to a party over the weekend to snap myself out of my holiday malaise, and that was probably where I got it.

Then, I think I really ran myself into the ground this year. I remember I did this in 2012 and got sick when I went for my holiday visit to Texas. I mostly laid in bed with infections reining supreme (throat, eye, and even the lady parts). I also got pretty sick a month after my father died and spent most of the winter vacation in bed with a diagnosis of asthma. Yeah, things like this often coincide with high stress and the holidays.

I ran myself into the ground. I sure wish I could find a way to not do this. I know I’ve internalized the high expectations of others, and also operate in fourth gear constantly at work out of fear; I’ve written plenty about the fear I feel and how I was had been pushed out of a major job because I ‘wasn’t up to snuff.’.

Then, our new boss definitely expects the people in my building to up their game. A few people are already making plans to leave within the next year because they don’t want to do that after being ran into the ground with staff shortages these past 4 years. Some are good at what they do, but just can’t do some of the more advanced tasks because either they have zero interest in them or they were never trained.

Yuck, this fever comes in waves which makes me wonder if it’s Covid. I have a fever and then I don’t. I’ll get tested tomorrow, and added a flu test onto it. Hopefully I can still make my quick Texas holiday blitz.

Speaking of that, sometimes my mother can unexpectedly be a source of wisdom. She posted an amazing interview between Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson where Jordan talks about fear. She heard me out when I described my holiday malaise, beginning with my visit to Mira for Thanksgiving where I was convinced I’m a bad luck charm on holidays (and some of you may be convince I am in general, hah) to where I feel maybe I should just self-isolate to not cause any troubles. Mom told me to confront my fear of the holiday and try my best. She also said everyone is going through something, especially now, and that our family is kind of crazy anyhow.

Fear… I’ve confronted it and once it a while, the further I go with it, the worse it gets. I don’t understand it, maybe it’s something deeper rooted? One thing is for sure, I think these last 3 years have made everyone a lot more edgy and we’re still trying to manage, work with, or make sense of it if we can.

I just ate some chicken/ rice stew that was supposed to be a soup but turned into a stock pot that included vegetables that didn’t have much longer to go. My neighbor got me some Pedilyte, dehydration was a concern with the fever, and she also got me fresh cilantro to put into the stew. I have my taste and smell, so that may rule out Covid.

The cold and flu medication is finally kicking in and the coughing and boogers have mostly stopped. I also took a swig of Fireball to help me rest, and I will now do that with my dog who I wonder is senile (she barks when the lights are turned off, is it doggie sundowners?). I definitely appreciate slowing down, however, and will now just rest.

downwind | upstream