Cafe Hitch-hike

2023-05-22

Wishes and Aspirations

I watched the colleague patter out of the side loading dock door of the building. She had a glow and smile that I could see from across the field. Her clothes were colorful, as if they were ones you'd see people wear on a cruise or a vacation in the tropics. As I walked closer to her, the glow and smile seemed to grow. All she needed was a froo-froo drink in one hand and a calypso band playing in the background. I had never seen anything like it in this damn building!

"Are you finished?" I asked. She said yes, and she was there to pick up a few last things. She had a happiness I rarely had seen in the building.

I took a mental note: I aspire to have that look and that kind of victory someday, I do, I do, I DO!

I heard a DL friend ghosted a soul-crushing employer. They called him, tried to guilt trip him, and apparently even attempted to be nice. He said it was just like being in an abusive relationship, so he felt at full liberty to give them his own version of f*ck off. I wrote him and said he was my hero for leaving on his own terms instead of waiting for an ax to fall.

I read a friend's cards and other things a while back and said the same thing to him. 'Make your own move before they're made for you and you don't have a choice.' He very well made tracks.

I think I totally get where I am right about now or at least I hope I do. I also acknowledge that I can't keep bending and shaping myself to fit in any given situation, even harmful ones. I understand things can change and the cast and characters of a place can also tweak a dynamic, but... people don't seem particularly happy with some things coming from up above. They thought the new brass that came in last year would heal and fix everything, but they have different things in mind. Oh, yeah, and let's not forget what's likely to come because our institution is on its ways to being a pawn in a bigger political game.

Now that Mercury is no longer retrograde, why not make the jump, I ask myself?

I'd like to work remotely. I sure seemed much happier that way. It would be cool so I could work here when it's cold up north or in the midlands, and then be down here to winter.

I wouldn't mind if I got bought out for an early retirement. I can roll in whatever payment they offer and then work another not-so-stressful job. I'd sure love that.

I sure hope that whenever I go, whether it's the lady escaping via loading dock and retirement, or the friend who ghosted their crappy employer, that it's a good landing. I won't be poor, I won't have to sell my soul and everything else, and gee, I can maintain some dignity and feel better about moving on.

I dreamed last night I started all over. I was back in the hometown and living in an old apartment the same way I had started. It was scary to me. I didn't know if I was back at ground zero, having to start over again like I did at age 19. But, something softly said everything would be all right. I woke up after the dream and laid in bed, assuring myself that what I felt was normal.

Anyhow, the lovely weekend under the water flipped some things. I sure hope they stick.

downwind | upstream