Cafe Hitch-hike

2023-11-27

The Former Boss’s Retirement

Another mentor / supervisor retired from our career and then eventually the life realm.

Big Boss was one of the first in 2008, when he was 66. He went to get a heart operation and didn’t make it.

My mentor MJ was 60 and that was in 2011. When MJ died, I remember telling someone that I felt like a part of my life faded, never to return, and how true that felt.

Around that same time, a former boss of mine asked me not to list her as a reference because she had been retired for 2 years and… wanted to be in peace. She was courteous about it. It’s not unusual for people in my field to make very clean breaks from the profession.

My former boss had died last week at age 68. We finally got news of it today. They had a constellation of health issues, and when I last had breakfast with them over a month ago, they complained they had been sick and tired since their retirement. After losing their favorite uncle, beloved mother, and estranged father over the course of 18 months, that would add up to anyone.

They just paid off their home mortgage and car note. The boss was going to use a healthy retirement bonus to resurface their outdoor swimming pool. They were planning to move to Georgia in a couple of years to be closer to their siblings and extended family who lived around there.

I am really crying inside for so many reasons. The first and foremost is we’ve had a very mixed relationship over the years. The relationship I’ve had with them is the same as what I’ve had with my current place of employment. Hell, it’s near-identical to it!

I know for a fact they were one of the back stabbers from a few years back and also threw me under the bus quite a few times. I really hated having to stand alone in so many issues at work when they could had supported me and it wouldn’t had taken tons of effort. Ah, but I gradually noticed they didn’t advocate for anyone for that matter, and didn’t seem to advise their employees very well.

I guess I had my reasons to not trust my former boss just as they probably had the reasons to not trust me. But, they also rooted me on for their position. I can see this was hard to digest considering our relationship and the ‘backstabbing’ references. They even left a kindly, hand-written letter in my desk when I moved into it. I wasn’t used to that kind of support from them at all.

Since I’ve taken over their position on a temp basis, I’ve gotten glimpses at what the job requires. A big boss (one of their former supervisors) said although my former boss was very much loved by many, they described their work quality is “retired but on active duty.”. They got the impression my boss had checked out of their position years ago, and they were right. As much as what my former boss demanded of me, they usually did it in a half-assed effort and got away with it.

Well, they didn’t get away with enjoying an active retirement. I’m not saying it’s karma by any stretch, it is what it is.

It’s been such a mixed thing. I guess what it all comes down to was I always knew I was not in their favored club but was ok with me as along as I made their job easier for them. It got to a point where I just accepted that and didn’t try to change it. If anything, I was OK with it and just carried on. I had to remind myself that people choose who they want to be with for many, many reasons and I guess I could say our chemistry was low-lukewarm for whatever reason. Maybe we both were better off to not associate beyond work matters.

I guess something else that stands out is I know the boss really got quite the lashes over the time in the building. The only place they worked, in our profession, was in our building so they didn’t get to see much how things were elsewhere. I know that their supervisor, who I once nicknamed Godzilla, was very abusive, and they worked together for most of their career. All of that really makes me look hard at working in toxic settings. The boss’s buddy told me the boss and another colleague started losing their hair because of the stresses. Now the boss is resting in peace and just under 3 months after retirement. Is it really worth it?

A colleague and I talked about this, and she said the (former) boss could had made different choices and was responsible for handling the situation.

All I can really say is it’s just about the same for me, that’s all.

downwind | upstream