Cafe Hitch-hike

2024-03-11

They tell me...

The messages all tell me to let it go. The messages all say I cannot turn around or should try, except...

...to heal it.
...to not try to get a substitute for the healing. Just because I fucked up or something fucked me over doesn't mean it will be made right through a surrogate.
...let those grudges go because they are in the past. All of those things are long gone because--
---the only place they're coming back is in my damn head.

The messages also say...
...it's not my fucking business or concern.
...even if I had a hand in it, I was simply doing what I was f*king told.
...I really was only the intermediary and did not have the final say.

They also tell me...
...let yourself be in peace. Let yourself be in peace because it is your birthright.
...you have so much more in your corner than this scat that's come across your doorstep.
...you have so much more!!!
...this is temporary!!!
...you have much bigger fish to fry.
...you just don't see all the good around you cos guess what? You have so much more good than scat. You need to see it better in your view.

And then they tell me...
...your perceptions and feelings were very real. The only thing off was their volume in your head, but they were real.
...things like this really do happen. You are not the only one.
...people do far worse in these scenarios. (God knows I've seen plenty who allowed themselves to slowly die rather than embrace what good they had in their corner and within their lives.)
...sorry it added on to the PTSD you already had, but let's quietly mend that and be aware of the sensitive spots that can't fully heal.

...people have their own paths, and you've got yours. Stay in your damn lane.
...things really are turning a corner for the better.
...you really are that good.
...you were mostly right, it was the volume.
...but please, you really did do your absolute best.
...let this go, move on, and pay more attention to your own path.

It gives me the image of Cortez when his crew arrived to the Americas. Apparently he scuttled his ships to avoid a mutiny or escape. Perhaps I need to do something like that. Except, I doubt that's how the mind and spirit work.

downwind | upstream