Cafe Hitch-hike

2019-12-09

Dreams and imagery

Since the last quarter of the year so now synonymous with passing, I had the oddest dream last night...

I dreamed I was working with some people, some underground group. They asked me to go to a store to pretend to shop but to check things out, so I did. I went to a counter to look at some products, and 2 women with Eastern European accents approached me. They were friendly enough and asked if I was finding what I needed. I told them I was just looking, and one of them said, 'ok,' and gave me a package with a note:

We know who you are, (my name), and why you are here. You are going to join your niece soon.

That was pretty startling, considering it was the first time I entered the store. How did they know why I was there, and better yet, how the hell did they know about my niece's recent death? I somehow was able to remain composed, feign to look for a short time, and then left.

I then came home where I was in the middle of a domestic dispute with some upstairs neighbors. They are a mixed race couple with a toddler son. I was very frightened about what would happen since domestic disputes can get very explosive, but I had not choice but to walk through it. Luckily, I was able to diffuse the woman while her husband walked away. I quietly went my way again, and decided to stay as far away from them as possible.

I then reported to one of the guys in the group who tasked me with going to the store. We walked outside in a field by a stream. He was a with a woman who had a grab bag of small things, and she smiled and invited me to take one. The first thing I picked up, completely at random, was a little stone with one of my family names except it was misspelled (which tends to happen). That was a little weird. She nodded for me to pull out another. You are going to die said the next. It startled me again.

The guy then asked me to report on my store visit, and I gave him the package from the storekeeper. He didn't say anything and asked me for more information. I then showed him the stones I pulled out of the woman's bag. I wanted an explanation on what the hell was going on. He just smiled and pointed to an opening in the ground below me. I saw a lot of people moving through it, and for some weird reason, there was ice in there. However, people were laughing and talking. He invited me to go in and pointed me to an opening, and I declined. I asked if he needed anything more from me, and he said I was free to go.

I suppose when an 18 year old close to me dies, and it was someone who I held as a baby and whose mother I also held, that could be a tad bit unsettling! I also could say it forces us to face our own mortality in a way that most deaths do not. Hell, this past year has brought on some conversations with my mother where I told her what would need to be done if anything ever happened to me. When Uncle died, we were glad his estate matters were very simple. Mine are, but my mom would not be able to grasp any of it, so I referred her to some people I trusted and who could help her. I recalled that conversation yesterday, before I had the dream.

One of the things people talked about at the psychedelics retreat was ego death. It sounded pretty extreme to me as a concept, but the most simple definition is being able to see one's self separately from their ego. The ego is the source of one's fears and hang-ups, and yes, it would be nice to have that capability to rise above it, right? But, I had this dream were people told me I was about to die and they did it... in such a friendly way. That seriously was frightening!

I know that I wanted to make some changes this past year and a half. In a way, change is a form of death. Something stops being the same as what it used to be and turns into something else. Some things stop, and then other things begin. These things are not always as dramatic as the end of a young woman's life, but come in the form of something else, and that is pretty full of impact...

I'll never forget the dream I had after my failed internship where I found a baby girl. Although she was cheerful, sweet, and I liked her immediately, but she was very sick and died in my arms. Yeah, that was definitely an expression of my hopes that didn't have enough to sustain them into thriving. I also will note that I began college where I gave birth to a chunky baby boy. I finished up despite hiccups, and went to grad school, so hey, that imagery was pretty accurate.

Dream imagery tends not to be literal (and the same with those seen i psychedelic states), and but those kinds of things still make me wonder.

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