Cafe Hitch-hike

2021-02-20

The experience that's more precious

I had great news yesterday afternoon when we discovered a favorite colleague will not be moving on. My heart warmed and it was a huge consolation for me and dozens in our organization.

I took 2 days off with Huck and we took a nice little excursion to the northern edge of Miami Beach. We had ideas for things to do, and gravitated to those what seemed good at the time. He found a cute little boutique hotel that was hidden between the high rises, and it had a nice shoreside feel of those little beach towns that begin where another ends from Aventura all the way to South Beach. The locale had plenty of diners, fine dining, and bars within walking distance, but without the boisterousness of Miami Beach or South Beach.

It felt a little weird before he came by because those were the stomping grounds Rafael and I used to frequent. My friend Ali and I talked about that and she sighed that she took her hubby to many places she had gone with other men over the years. However, I love going there and my excitement neared anxiety.

I really wanted to take Huck to the nude beach (he had never been to one), but something told me to go to this other park near there instead. We found ourselves a nice private swimming hole along a lagoon that was shrouded by trees, but had enough clear shore to park our beach chairs. Once we set up camp, we sipped our beers, smoked a little herb, and chatted. I jumped into the lagoon and swam around the cool, silty brackish water. People occasionally paddled by in their kayaks and waved, with some sound effects being music or a Latin language, and the space was private, unrushed, and very cozy.

Miami Beach was absolutely amazing, and yet we didn't do anything extraordinary like stay at a Ritz Carlton or paint the town red. We both just took everything in where we were, and ended up on a lifeguard stand at 1:00 AM where we wondered outloud if we were dreaming.

We walked across the street the next morning and grabbed food from 2 places. We had bagels at one (his thing, he's Jewish), and I grabbed a guava-filled croissant down the street (my thing, hahahah).

We never traveled before, and considering that we knew each other for about 2 weeks, it was quite the stretch to do. I was well aware the trip could push things to crash or... weeeeeeee!!!!

The other thing is Huck and I adore each other, but gee... he's like Donnie in that his job takes him elsewhere an awful lot although he spends half his time here.

I swish the thought around my head. We're not in our 20s anymore and our needs are different. We've seen a lot of life and know ourselves much better. There's possibly more flexibility in how things progress, perhaps.

The reality is there's no way anytime soon either of us are going to permanently go closer to where the other person permanently resides unless one of us gives up what we've got. I also don't know how I would handle this part-time stuff.

Part of me shrugs. I seem to get a long with men much better when they're not always around. Would it it be bad to have something with Huck as I do with Donnie? I've known Donnie for 3 years and we haven't always fooled around, but I like what we have. He's always been even-keeled and treated me well, so I guess that's part of makes it. And, we usually just enjoy the present. Gee, it might feel weird to have something like that with Huck, especially since things are more warm, affectionate, and mentally compatible with him.

I did tell Huck I was looking for work and even willing to leave the area, which was true before we met. I laughed to myself because right before I met Huck, I joked to my mentor that I was ready to fall in love and have it be a complicated relationship, or I'd find the best job every elsewhere or away from the guy. I had no idea it would be so easy to set that in motion.

Huck and I will play it by ear, and not to evade each other but... maybe it will work this way or maybe it won't. Maybe we date other people when the other's not around and we fall for someone we meet that way, or maybe not. Maybe one of us can join the other (and then it works out or it doesn't).

Or, maybe he and I just needed this time and space to renew parts of us that had been dormant. We both have a lot to give to a world that isn't always receptive to it. Maybe we are seeing things in ourselves and each other that we otherwise would had never gotten to see. Sometimes an experience itself was the important thing to have and see. Maybe?

Yeah, yeah. A part of me is becoming keenly aware that I do like having adventures. I like the stories, places, and people I've accumulated with time and life. Maybe this is just what I do and who and what I am? I can still belong to someone (or some people), but still belong to myself.

There's so much I don't know for sure and the fact that all of this is still quite new. Whatever it is, I'll embrace it and be quietly thankful that this is far from the emotional doldrums I often felt these past few years, and just say that sometimes, it's the experience that's more precious than something to keep or seize.

downwind | upstream