Cafe Hitch-hike

2021-10-11

Got my back

I thought about protection in life. I remember when I was a kid, I did have people who would protect me and they were usually friends and certain extended family. My mother actually started getting more protective of me after I had a scrape with a bad beau when I was 17/18. It didn't occur to me that I largely left all of that once I left the hometown. When I went to grad school, my landlord and later my boyfriend expressed their offers.

It occurred to me that I really haven't had that since I've been in Florida, going on 16 years. Then again, the authorities consider some types of protection to be assault, so I guess it doesn't pay to have someone go to someone else and gently (or not) tell others not to fuck with others.

I prayed not ago for a sense of protection. I'm so glad I live in a country where women are more empowered and have various protections, but I understand there's so much more that can be done. In my old apartment in The Cannabis Condo, a female friend wanted to walk to the local corner store to get a pack of cigarettes at midnight, but I didn't want to. I'm taking back the night, she proclaimed. That's all right and dandy, but I'm not so I won't have to wait 2 hours for the cops to respond to us if we get mugged or assaulted on the way there and back. I guess we really do rely on the goodness of people to choose not to assault, the cops to protect, and some personal formula of time, place, and appearance for it to not happen.

I then got the most interesting interaction the following day when I went to buy paint at a local big box hardware store. A tall (6'10), young Black man who was a little on the soft-bodied side talked to me about protection. He said he had to have a talk with his sister's old boyfriend for hitting her. He mentioned having a father who was built like him and was an Army Delta Force soldier who also had to mediate some relationship problems between his sisters and their boyfriends.

"We have to look out for each other," I said. "Then, you have the problem of when she says, 'but I love him,' despite cleaning out her bank account, totaling her car, or seeing her best friend. What do you do then?"

The young man, Sean, shrugged and didn't really answer. I then mentioned mentioned how my mother and I met my sis Big Momma's new beau. We didn't really cross examine him but did ask casual getting-to-know-you kind of questions. We found out that he was from the same town as another distant relative, and that he was actually a few years younger than my sister (we quietly grinned at each other because of that). We thought Ken the beau was all right and we had a drink, but Mom and I looked at each other and later confirmed each other's thoughts.

"So, which of us is the sheriff and which is the deputy?" I asked, and she laughed.

We weren't suspicious about Ken at all, but we noticed what we could had found out based on our questions. We didn't ask extremely probing or personal questions, but we saw we could learn quite a bit about a person based on what they said, how they said it, and how they reacted. Uncles Joe and Rich would do that with people. They never had anything bad to say about people but did share what they learned (especially in the case of a guy who was actually a registered sex offender); they left it up to the individual about acting on the information.

So I shared some of that with Sean. He then said he he wondered about his sister's new boyfriend. I suggested to take him fishing or some guy-like outdoor activity to get to know a guy. Sean said he wasn't outdoorsy, so I said take him to a sporting event. He liked that idea alot and joked, "if he's a Dolphins fan, we might have trouble!" Otherwise, I think he knew what I meant. Get him to do something and get to know him.

It's not that I think women can't take care of themselves at all, but I acknowledge their vulnerability on various levels. I guess I also think about that in light of the recent case of Gabby Petito and which cases of domestic abuse and femicide get attention of all levels. Meanwhile, we're still in the dark about the status of my niece's now-2 year homicide investigation with the court system; swift justice my ass. I don't get a good feeling about this and I sure hope I'm wrong. Anyhow, I know we can't live our lives in bubble wrap and that life is a game without guarantees. It's just different to know when something or someone has my back.

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