Cafe Hitch-hike

Diary

recent

"What is it like with me?" :
2021-11-03
My consumption of diversions to numb me to the peculiar realities abound :
2021-11-02
Sometimes we need to see things from a different angle :
2021-10-31
Left my soul there, down by the sea :
2021-10-28
Rehab :
2021-10-24

credits

Diaryland

2021-10-21

I, too, listen to the music

I, too, listen to the music. He used to play it for me when I was a little one, whether I was riding with him in one of his interesting cars or we were just bopping around the house.

I never thought much about our bond when he was in this world at our time. All I knew was he was always there at the right time. I liked him, and he liked me. He had an easy smile, with dark brown hair he usually wore back and almost in a pompador, with sideburns. He usually was tan (when we had sun) with the Indian features he inherited from his mother, and with a bit of height and a t-shaped body he got from his father. He always dressed like he was about to go for a workout. Maybe life was a workout for him.

I just went along with it. I liked following him and he never seemed to mind. He'd usually have others with us, like our siblings or cousins. Sometimes I got to meet his friends, and yeah, I had a crush or 2 on them.

My favorite memory was when he returned to Michigan after a particularly rough year. It was dark, and he appeared in our front door, dressed in a wool coat. I just remember we looked at each other. I didn't say or express anything and neither did he, but I do remember this feeling of absolute joy come to me. He came back! His middle name was actually Natividad or 'Christmas.' Very appropriate.

Or the one where I was on a long train ride when I was 13. I wearingly headed to the exit when I saw the red rope where people waited for the passengers. He was the first person I had seen, and I was so relieved because I was exhausted.

There's so much to describe, so much to explain, but he's one of the few people whose memory isn't full of grief. If anything, it was the opposite, though I felt very sad to see his addictions take their toll on him and his health at the end of his life.

But, the music brings me back. His memory lives even more vividly with his soundtrack easily available. It's like I can be near him, for that little while. I just want to hold his hand or have him near for a little while, and tell him how things have been, or just to feel his presence of strength.