Cafe Hitch-hike

2022-09-23

What if I’m never sure? She asked.

My 12 year old niece: Auntie, it’s like half the school says they’re gay.

Me: Half?

Niece: Yeah, I don’t think they are but they think it’s cool to say they are.

Me: I remember last summer that you wondered about yourself and feelings you had about your friend Skylar.

Niece: Yeah, but I don’t really feel that way anymore. She’s— just my friend. (Pauses). But, I’m still not sure. I don’t think I’ll ever know!

Me: (Laughs softly)

Niece: What?

Me: You’ll know, I’m sure you will.

Niece: But I’m not sure.

Me: That’s ok. You’re going to see and do more, and learn about yourself. It happens as you live life.

Niece: What if I’m never sure?

Me: (Pauses) Well…. I’m sure you will find out. (Thinks about how crazy and intense her mother/ my sis can be about men and intimacy). You definitely will…

…(Thinks about specific instances of the hysterically funny romantic/ intimate entanglements we confessed to over the years). Since you have parts of me and especially your mother in your blood, you most definitely will know how you feel as you get older. (Laughs inside, not at the niece but her hot-blooded mother and auntie, and laughing at the notion that maybe the niece may take a little of us. I can’t forget that her father was quite the character himself). It will come when it’s time, my dear, and you’ll have no doubt!

downwind | upstream