Cafe Hitch-hike

2022-10-13

At least I accomplished a lot of stuff, hah.

I took the day off and hell, may even take the next day, too. I haven't been writing lately cos yes, I've been busy living life instead of writing about it. "Living" would be feeling tired, running around alot from one thing to another (or one conversation...), trying not to miss deadlines for my course (oh, yeah, I'm a grad student again), and keeping up with the maintenance of mi casita. It would also include my job and its usual stuff.

Regarding my last post (nah-nah-nah-nah, hey-hey-hey, goodbye!), I didn't resign or wasn't fired. It just dawned on me that the things I've been assigned are as different as night and day from the last position I had 2 1/2 years ago. Damn, was it that long ago? The pandemic definitely warped my memory, but it really was.

Anyhoo, the people I now work with and the projects I'm assigned are different. I am cautious in my interactions at times, but the people I interact with are usually professional and I dare say glad to see me. And, I'm sooo glad to see them. I also get to work with a lot more Black and Brown people, which has a quality I can't put my finger on but I relish. Sometimes after a nice talk or meeting with quite a few of the people I work with, 'I love you,' enters my head but I don't say it.

I did say this to one colleague in the building. I felt it and I knew she needed to hear it, and I absolutely meant it. As much as I can't stand my employer, I realize I possess a lot of love for its people.

I was so relieved that in the past 2 years, my work with others outside the building has taken me away from that pit where I used to be assigned. I was asked if I want to take the place of a couple building supervisors when they retire and I said I wasn't not interested. I had a feeling I'd be asked (I'm one of the few left standing) and felt terrible imagining myself in their positions. I did, however, tell them that I liked the work I've been doing and felt pride it.

I've written on these pages many of the woes, drama, and conflict I've experienced in my building, and those were big reasons for not wanting those positions. I'd get more of the same thing but at a higher level and also a lack of support (just like I had in my previous job and with a very high likelihood I'd be facing the glass cliff). I would had seriously considered them, but I simply don't trust people there and for damn good reasons.

And, I'm too damn tired to even consider it.

Work has taken up too much of my energy, and so has my program. It's a lot of reading and when I'm spent, I don't feel like reading. We are supposed to log onto our online course portal throughout the week, but I do it at the end because I didn't have the energy. The professor told me they liked my work but that I needed to check in more. Well now that the spring/ summer-long building project-from-hell is wrapping up, I just may be able to do what they said. I just may spend today doing some of the work due this week (wah, hahaha) But, I do like the classes, my classmates and the professors. I also like strolling through the campus with my backpack (sans my 1990s barn jacket), 20 years later.

My task for this day off is to try to find ways to cut corners with chores. I think I'll start ordering my groceries online and indulge in hiring someone to clean my house once a month to save time. I may even use a laundry service twice a month. I'll have to see how much this would cost me and go from there.

As for the "fun" part of my life, I kind of avoid it. It distracts me and then I have to come crashing back into my busy little world. I was not in good shape for 3 days after I went to the reggae concert with my neighbor Tex, and I wasn't even intoxicated or completely stoned. I felt off for the same amount of time after coming back (and from a 15-hour drive) from my friend's in Kentucky. Diversion and work are different countries, and getting back into the work one is a hell of a re-entry.

This year has been a drag, but at least I accomplished a lot of stuff, hah.

downwind | upstream